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Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v.5

Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v. 5
It is argued by some people that workers should be given longer holidays by their employers so that they can be efficient at work. I disagree with this view because longer time off work could decrease productivity and it may lead to a reduction in worker's income. First of all, when employees are given longer holidays, their overall productivity could decrease. The level of production in most organizations depend on the skills of the workers as well as the time put up for work. Thus, if employees have more holidays, their productivity at work may reduce. For instance, in an effort to meet demands, many firms in Nigeria employ locum workers when their regular employees are on leave. This shows that they would face more challenges when their employees have more time off duty. Furthermore, longer leave could reduce the income of employees. In an effort to maintain profit, some firms employ part-time workers and therefore, reduce allowances offered to employees on holidays. For example, in Nigeria, some people forgo leave from work so as to receive extra pay. This shows that some employees would not be encouraged to work well even with longer holidays if their income is affected. In conclusion, I disagree with the notion that longer holidays would make employees work better due to the fact that the productivity and the pay of some workers could reduce with longer holidays. Other forms of incentive should be offered to employees.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
by their employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can be efficient at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
time off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
and it may lead to a reduction in worker's income.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
, their
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
could decrease. The level of production in most organizations depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
as well
as the time put up for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
.
For instance
, in an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
demands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
firms in Nigeria employ locum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
when their regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they would face more challenges when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have more time off duty.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. In an effort to maintain profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
firms employ part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
allowances offered to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
.
For example
, in Nigeria,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
forgo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
receive extra pay. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would not
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
well even with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
if their income is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
better due to the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
and the pay of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. Other forms of incentive should
be offered
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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