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Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v.2

Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v. 2
The number of paid holidays in one company can be different to other companies. The number of holidays of each employee depends on the policy given by their company. Many people argue that employers should give longer holidays to improve the productivity of each company, while others show a strong disapproval of such an intention. I strongly agree that employers should give more holiday, as a way to motivate them to do well in their respective job. Giving more vacation days for employees to improve the productivity of their employees can be justified for a few underlying reasons. First, as the economy has significantly increased in the past few years, the working time has risen considerably, thus leading to a decrease in the spare time that each of the employee has. Thus, offering employees with longer holidays can help increase the spare time of employees, that consequently can result to a happier life. Giving them more free time, therefore can lead to an increase in the productivity level. Second, not only does longer holiday give employees a better work life balance, but also it improves the job satisfaction. When employees are satisfied, they will be motivated to give more efforts in their job. Therefore, the overall performance of each employee will be far better. Finally, aiming to improve their creativity, employees can take holiday as a way to experience the new subject. Furthermore, the productivity and creativity are often achieved not from people who are working in long hours, but people who are getting outside their day to day. Additionally, vacations are important to reduce the physical effects of stress on body, therefore giving more free time can actually help employee to refresh their mind. Consequently, it will boost creativity and lead to better performance in workplaces. To conclude, having considered the above arguments, I strongly agree that providing employers with longer vacation days can improve the productivity of the employees. More vacation days can lead to happiness, improve job satisfaction and boost creativity which all can lead to a better performance in workplaces.
The number of paid
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holidays
in one
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company
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to other
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companies
. The number of
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holidays
of each
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employee
depends on the policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
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company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that employers should
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give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
to
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improve
the
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productivity
of each
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company
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a strong disapproval of such an intention. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that employers should
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give
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
, as a way to motivate them to do well in their respective job.

Giving more
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vacation
days for
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employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can
be justified
for a few underlying reasons.
First
, as the economy has
significantly
increased in the past few years, the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has risen
considerably
,
thus
leading to a decrease in the spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has.
Thus
, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
increase the spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, that
consequently
can result to a happier life. Giving them more free
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time
,
therefore
can
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lead
to an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
level.

Second, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
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longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
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give
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employees
a
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better
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
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improves
the job satisfaction. When
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employees
are satisfied
, they will
be motivated
to
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give
more efforts in their job.
Therefore
, the
overall
performance of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
will be far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
Finally
, aiming to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their creativity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
as a way to experience the new subject.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
and creativity are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
achieved not from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are working in long hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are getting outside their day to day.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the physical effects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on body,
therefore
giving more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
to refresh their mind.
Consequently
, it will boost creativity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
performance in workplaces.

To conclude
, having considered the above arguments, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that providing employers with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
days can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
days can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to happiness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
job satisfaction and boost creativity which all can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
performance in workplaces.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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