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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. v. 3
It is sometimes thought that corporations ought to provide sports and social facilities for local communities. In my opinion, I strongly disagree that businesses are responsible for providing local communities with sports facilities as it will greatly bring about some problems for companies. A good reason for companies to not waste money on providing sports facilities to local communities is that it would be better for businesses to spend more money on other aspects of work, such as salary increases, bonuses and extra time off. This is an essential way for staff to remain loyal to their companies and be more dedicated. For example, employees generally work very hard and are more dedicated to their works if they frequently receive more bonuses and paid overtime. Another point to consider is that sports facilities are too expensive for small companies, and they will be unable to afford their prices. This will lead to a more negative impact on a company’s budget and, without good budgeting, a company can go bankrupt. To cite an example, a small firm in Egypt wanted to become better know and raise its profile by donating some money to buy sports equipment to a local sports center. As a result, the company fails to compensate for this money; it eventually closed its door. Finally, local communities should be subsidized by the government, not by businesses. To put it another way, large, international companies are not responsible for supporting local communities because these companies should focus on their growth. Moreover, some companies do not have the funds available to buy this equipment. For instance, most international companies in South Africa would use a few portions of its profit to offer more jobs every year to the residents. This can bring more economic advantages to society as a whole. In conclusion, companies are not responsible for supporting local communities, but companies can utilize this money to spend on other aspects of work such as paid maternity and paternity leave, bonuses, and creating more jobs opportunities.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that corporations ought to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and social facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree that businesses are responsible for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities as it will
greatly
bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to not waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
is that it would be better for businesses to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on other aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, such as salary increases, bonuses and extra time off. This is an essential way for staff to remain loyal to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and be more dedicated.
For example
, employees
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and are more dedicated to their works if they
frequently
receive more bonuses and paid overtime.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are too expensive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, and they will be unable to afford their prices. This will lead to a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
budget and, without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
budgeting, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can go bankrupt. To cite an example, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
firm in Egypt wanted to become better know and raise its profile by donating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
center.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
fails to compensate for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
; it
eventually
closed its door.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
should
be subsidized
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, not by businesses. To put it another way, large, international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are not responsible for supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should focus on their growth.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do not have the funds available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this equipment.
For instance
, most international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in South Africa would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a few portions of its profit to offer more jobs every year to the residents. This can bring more economic advantages to society as a whole.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are not responsible for supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can utilize this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to spend on other aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as paid maternity and paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, bonuses, and creating more jobs opportunities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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