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Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. v. 3
It is incontrovertibly true that employees seem to be extremely busy in this present scenario; thus, according to some individuals, employers need to grant a long break to their employees for stimulating them in terms of doing the job well. I do not consent to this point of view, and further, the other significant techniques that are must, yet to be analyzed in the subsequent paragraphs. The other crucial ways need to be considered that seem to have the extreme benefits in certain ways, the first and foremost is a peaceful working environment, which increases the concentration of employees to work more with the full of efficiency. Apart from this, strong bonding among the colleagues leads to major solutions, whereby the employees can solve the difficulties in order to get good results for the production of the firm. Good salary packages include incentives that are a must for employees, thereby achieving any complicated challenge as these kinds of appreciations enable them to work with full of dedication. Furthermore, making employees feel valued is likely to be the foremost way to motivate them towards work. To elaborate, it is apparent that workers work hard while they come to know that they are being appreciated by their employer. Moreover, employers need to be capable to understand the needs of their employees, which are related to money, health, and family; meanwhile, they can realize the sympathy of the boss for them, and thereafter, try to be loyal to their work. In conclusion, though longer holidays are extremely beneficial for employees, having said that the significance of other major factors that are fruitful for both the employer and employee, it can never be overlooked; hence, these should be preferable at first except for longer holidays.
It is
incontrovertibly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
seem to be
extremely
busy in this present scenario;
thus
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to grant a long break to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for stimulating them in terms of doing the job well. I do not consent to this point of view, and
further
, the other significant techniques that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
,
yet
to
be analyzed
in the subsequent paragraphs.

The other crucial ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be considered
that seem to have the extreme benefits in certain ways, the
first
and foremost is a peaceful working environment, which increases the concentration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more with the full of efficiency. Apart from this, strong bonding among the colleagues leads to major solutions, whereby the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can solve the difficulties in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results for the production of the firm.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
salary packages include incentives that are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, thereby achieving any complicated challenge as these kinds of appreciations enable them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with full of dedication.

Furthermore
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
feel valued is likely to be the foremost way to motivate them towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. To elaborate, it is apparent that workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
while they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know that they are
being appreciated
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be capable to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, which
are related
to money, health, and family; meanwhile, they can realize the sympathy of the boss for them, and thereafter, try to be loyal to their work.

In conclusion
, though longer holidays are
extremely
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, having said that the significance of other major factors that are fruitful for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, it can never
be overlooked
;
hence
, these should be preferable at
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
longer holidays.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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