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Government should spend more money on children sport activities and art in schools rather than on a professional sport activities and artistic performancesTo what extent do u agree or disagree? v.1

Government should spend more money on children sport activities and art in schools rather than on a professional sport activities and artistic performances v. 1
In recent years, uniforms play a vital role in the organizations, so certain masses believe that companies should make their workers come in uniform to perform their duties. Although it helps in recognizing the employees and improves their safety at work, they lose their freedom and increases the financial burden on the organizations. To commence with, when employees wear a uniform while working, it could benefit the company because wearing specific dress help in identifying the workers working at different levels in the organization. As a result, they can be easily recognized and assist in distributing work. Moreover, it enhances the safety of the workers as theses dresses are specifically designed according to the type of work. Thus, if an accident occurs, it might save the workers from major injuries. For example, Swaraj, a multinational company, makes mechanical components, and they allocated specific colour dresses, such as white, yellow and green to their supervisor, worker and manager respectively. Also, these uniforms are made from 90 percent nylon, which protects them from excessive heat and mechanical impact. Therefore, employees should wear a uniform while working. On the other hand, the major drawback of making uniforms mandatory is that the employees will lose their freedom because they cannot wear their favourite clothing and accessories associated with it while working in the company. Furthermore, if an organization imposes a dress code then it could increase the financial burden on them as when they give dresses to their employees, they have to bear the cost of it. For instance, in a recent survey conducted by the news channel, it is found that the companies in which workers should wear specific dresses at work, there is an increase of a 20 percent in the budget, and also workers are not happy with the organization due to impose of dress code. Hence, it affects the company not only financially, but also reduces employees’ satisfaction. To summarize, the benefits of allowing specific dress is that it gives identity to the workers and increases their safety at work. But, the drawbacks in the form of an increase in financial pressure and reduction in workers' satisfaction are also there.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
play a vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
certain masses believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
to perform their duties. Although it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in recognizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their safety at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they lose their freedom and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the financial burden on the organizations.

To commence with, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
while working, it could benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in identifying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
working at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
.
As a result
, they can be
easily
recognized and assist in distributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, it enhances the safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
as
Did you mean "these"?
theses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
are
specifically
designed according to the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Thus
, if an accident occurs, it might save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
from major injuries.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Swaraj
, a multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
mechanical components, and they allocated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
, such as white, yellow and green to their supervisor,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
and manager
respectively
.
Also
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
are made
from 90 percent nylon, which protects them from excessive heat and mechanical impact.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
while working.

On the other hand
, the major drawback of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
mandatory is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will lose their freedom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
clothing and accessories associated with it while working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Furthermore
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
imposes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code then it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the financial burden on them as when they give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear the cost of it.
For instance
, in a recent survey conducted by the news channel, it
is found
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
of a 20 percent in the budget, and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are not happy with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
due to impose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code.
Hence
, it affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
financially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
satisfaction.

To summarize
, the benefits of allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
is that it gives identity to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
their safety at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the drawbacks in the form of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in financial pressure and reduction in workers' satisfaction are
also
there.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Government should spend more money on children sport activities and art in schools rather than on a professional sport activities and artistic performances v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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