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Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and giv v.2

Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 2
The art of hiring have changed tremendously over the past few decades. The companies collect employee’s personal information other than the job relevant information; Some people think that it is a good thing as one could figure someone’s behaviour to some extent based on this information. On the other hand some people think it is not necessary to collect such personal information from the employees. Let’s discuss in detail how collecting the personal information of the employee benefit’s organization. The collection of personal information is becoming a trend in the modern world of recruitment. The primary reason one could think of for this approach is that the company wants to break down the employee’s profile outside of work. This helps the organization to understand the employee who comes for an interview and the interviewer can check if the guy fits in the company’s culture. For example, If trekking is listed as hobby in someone’s profile and the interviewer knows company have trekking plan ever 3 months, the new guy would love to join the team. The personal information also helps the company understand how a person wants to build an image even before joining the organization. The collected information helps the organization builds rapport with the new joiners with less effort. On the contrary, some people think that it violates the privacy of the person when personal information is being collected from them. The important aspect of this view-point is that job is just a part of a person life. We work and company pays, End of story. The company has nothing to do with how we spend my life and what we do other than work, this disturbs the works life balance. The information collected by the company can get personal and can be used against an individual. For example a guy listed his business aspiration in the resume gets hired in an organization. During year end appraisal he is denied a promotion keeping in mind that he might as well start his business in the near future, So the company won’t benefit promoting him to next level. The employee’s efforts and work gets rejected because of the information he shared. The issue here is evident that we should not share too much information to a company even If we are asked. The employee recruitment is a subjective process which may vary based on the individual. The employee information collected can be benefitting the organization rather than the employees in general. In conclusion, the company benefits more than the employee by collecting personal information of an individual. So I think the personal information should not collected by the organization.
The art of hiring
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
tremendously
over the past few decades. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
other than the job relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing as one could figure someone’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent based on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
On the other hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is not necessary to collect such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s discuss in detail how collecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
benefit’s organization.

The collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is becoming a trend in the modern world of recruitment. The primary reason one could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
of for this approach is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
wants to break down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
profile outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
for an interview and the interviewer can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
if the guy fits in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
culture.
For example
, If trekking
is listed
as hobby in someone’s profile and the interviewer knows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
have trekking plan ever 3 months, the new guy would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the team. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
understand how a person wants to build an image even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. The collected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
builds rapport with the new joiners with less effort.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it violates the privacy of the person when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
being collected
from them. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of this view-point is that job is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a part of a person life. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
pays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
End
of story. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has nothing to do with how we spend my life and what we do other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, this disturbs the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "works'" or "work's"?
works
life balance. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
collected by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
against an individual.
For example
a guy listed his business aspiration in the resume
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hired in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. During year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
appraisal he
is denied
a promotion keeping in mind that he might
as well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
his business in the near future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
won’t benefit promoting him to
next
level. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
efforts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
rejected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
he shared. The issue here is evident that we should not share too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
even If we
are asked
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
recruitment is a subjective process which may vary based on the individual.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
collected can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in general
.
In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
benefits more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
by collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of an individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "collect"
collected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
440 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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