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Educational institutions should teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general knowledge and subjects v.1

Educational institutions should teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general knowledge and subjects v. 1
Governments spend public funds to train people, so that they can excel at sporting events. There are a number of people with a view, that these funds should be used for things that will benefit the society as a whole. In my view, it is vital for the government to support this talent, however the primary role of the state towards the community. To embark on, there are various concerns prevailing in the society such as, low sanitation, unemployment, infrastructure etc. It is the primary duty of the government to work towards the welfare of the community. The public funds should be used to improve the economic conditions of the society. Moreover, using the funds effectively will also improve the economy and the standard of living among people. This would help in the economic development of the country. On the other hand, it is also important for the government to support the skill of the nation. This would help in setting a good example among citizens of the country. It will encourage number of individual to be inspired and work towards achieving their goals. In addition, instead of using the state funds, the state can get sponsorship in order to support this talent. This helps in building a good fame in the nation. In conclusion, promoting the national talent will set a good example and sponsorship funds should be looked at sponsoring this talent. In my view, government's primary responsibility is towards the people of the nation, hence the public funds should be used they provide the basic needs of the people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
spend public funds to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can excel at sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a view, that these funds should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for things that will benefit the society as a whole. In my view, it is vital for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to support this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
,
however
the primary role of the state towards the community.

To embark on, there are various concerns prevailing in the society such as, low sanitation, unemployment, infrastructure etc. It is the primary duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to work towards the welfare of the community. The public funds should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economic conditions of the society.
Moreover
, using the funds
effectively
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy and the standard of living among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the economic development of the country.

On the other hand
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of the nation. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example among citizens of the country. It will encourage number of individual to
be inspired
and work towards achieving their goals.
In addition
,
instead
of using the state funds, the state can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sponsorship in order to support this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in building a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fame in the nation.

In conclusion
, promoting the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
will set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example and sponsorship funds should
be looked
at sponsoring this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
. In my view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's primary responsibility is towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the nation,
hence
the public funds should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
they provide the basic needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Educational institutions should teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general knowledge and subjects v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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