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Some people think that higher institutions should concentration more on academic subjects such as history and the physical sciences, while others think that they should concentrate more on practical subjects such as car mechanics and cookery, etc. Discuss v.1

Some people think that higher institutions should concentration more on academic subjects such as history and the physical sciences, while others think that they should concentrate more on practical subjects such as car mechanics and cookery, etc. Discuss v. 1
Children are the future of every nation. So there is always a debate about what qualities should they learn to get success in life. Some believe that in the world of competition, they should teach to compete with others. The school of thought opines that in order to make them more useful in life they should learn co-operation with other people. Reasoning for both the viewpoints are described below in the essay before owing to relevant conclusion. Considering the viewpoint, supporters believe that with increasing the population and decreasing the demand for skilled person children should learn to stand with other competitors and prove themselves better than others. The prime advantage is they are self-motivated by observing others in the queue. Due to this, they can learn good things from others and can add it in their basket of skills. Addition to this, the hunger of proving themselves better make them do more hard work which improves their skills like determination, concentration and passion towards work. On the flip side, teaching children to co-operate has its own benefits. Firstly, they learn teamwork by working together with other people and can build qualities like leadership. Also, it is very useful for the society as they work cooperatively and help another person whenever he is in need. Moreover, it removes the feeling of jealousy and so decrease the cold war among the people. To cap it all, to become a good human learning, cooperation is very important. Agglomerating all the points, to conclude and according to my viewpoint, I would state that teaching children to compete is very important to survive in the modern world. But with that they should also be taught to cooperate with others in order to become a good and useful adult.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of every nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is always a debate about what qualities should they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that in the world of competition, they should teach
Did you mean "competing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'teach' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to compete
with others. The school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
opines that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more useful in life they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
co-operation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Reasoning for both the viewpoints are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
below in the essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
owing to relevant conclusion.

Considering the viewpoint, supporters believe that with increasing the population and decreasing the demand for skilled person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to stand with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
competitors and prove themselves better than others. The prime advantage is they are self-motivated by observing others in the queue. Due to this, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things from others and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
it in their basket of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Addition to this, the hunger of proving themselves better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them do more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like determination, concentration and passion towards work.

On the flip side, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to co-operate has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.
Firstly
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
teamwork by working together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and can build qualities like leadership.
Also
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for the society as they work
cooperatively
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
another person whenever he is in need.
Moreover
, it removes the feeling of jealousy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
decrease the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
cold war
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To cap it all, to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human learning, cooperation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Agglomerating all the points,
to conclude
and according to my viewpoint, I would state that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to compete is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to survive in the modern world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with that they should
also
be taught
to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('cooperate' and 'co-operate') within a single text.
cooperate
with others in order to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and useful adult.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that higher institutions should concentration more on academic subjects such as history and the physical sciences, while others think that they should concentrate more on practical subjects such as car mechanics and cookery, etc. Discuss v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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