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Which one do you prefer? Why? 1) a company offering you a job with challenging and interesting projects but less vacation days or 2) another company offering you a job that is not so challenging and interesting but has more vacation days. v.3

Which one do you prefer? Why? 1) a company offering you a job with challenging and interesting projects but less vacation days or 2) another company offering you a job that is not so challenging and interesting but has more vacation days. v. 3
Nowadays, children prefer to spend their leisure on computer games rather than engage in sports. Many reasons account for this trend, this essay will discuss the main reason why it is so. Due to the current trends in technology, computer games are now more readily available and accessible. Unlike some years ago when you can only play such games on a desktop, games are now available on mobile phones, tablets and smart watches. Hence, an increase in popularity of these games. For instance, it is common knowledge in Nigeria that many children have little time to engage in sporting activities which is only when they are in school. In my opinion, this is not a positive development because it promotes a sedentary lifestyle which increases the chances of developing chronic diseases such as hypertension, diabetes and arthritis. While the occurrence of these diseases can be reduced drastically by engaging in sports whether indoors or outdoors. It has been reported in the daily times severally that a sedentary lifestyle increases one's risk of developing chronic diseases. Also, as a result of lack of exercise, many children's levels of intelligence may be affected. This is because many indoor sports help to improve and develop certain skills that a child may be lacking like calculation in the high jump, resilience in athletics and communication in football. In conclusion, it is important that measures should be taken by all stakeholders in order to ensure that the negative impact of this kind of lifestyle is effectively reduced.
Nowadays, children prefer to spend their leisure on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than engage in sports.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reasons account for this trend, this essay will discuss the main reason why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trends in technology, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more
readily
available and accessible. Unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago when you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on a desktop,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available on mobile phones, tablets and smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
.
Hence
, an increase in popularity of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, it is common knowledge in Nigeria that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to engage in sporting activities which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they are in school.

In my opinion, this is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it promotes a sedentary lifestyle which increases the chances of developing chronic diseases such as hypertension, diabetes and arthritis. While the occurrence of these diseases can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
drastically
by engaging in sports whether indoors or outdoors. It has
been reported
in the daily times
severally
that a sedentary lifestyle increases one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing chronic diseases.

Also
,
as a result
of lack of exercise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children's levels of intelligence may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
indoor sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and develop certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that a child may be lacking like calculation in the high jump, resilience in athletics and communication in football.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that measures should
be taken
by all stakeholders in order to ensure that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of this kind of lifestyle is
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Which one do you prefer? Why? 1) a company offering you a job with challenging and interesting projects but less vacation days or 2) another company offering you a job that is not so challenging and interesting but has more vacation days. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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