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Forests are the lungs of the earth. Destruction of the world’s forests amounts to death of the world we currently know. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Forests are the lungs of the earth. Destruction of the world’s forests amounts to death of the world we currently know. v. 2
Socioeconomic problems arise in some places of the country and one of them are social problems which involve many young people. Some individual believes that it’s common among teenagers who lack attention from their parents due to reasons such as their parents spent more time at work and forget their children. This essay will discuss why I strongly agree with this matter provided with reasons and examples. To begin with, social problems of young people often results from not enough attention they receive from their family specifically to their parents or guardians. Some of the recorded documentaries, these young individuals get the attention they want from their friends with the same age or older. For this reason, some teenagers were influenced by their friends who are also involved in social problems such as drug abuse, illegal gambling and alcoholism more. In addition, because their parents are not around they are free to do what they want. For instance, they tend to skip classes without the knowledge of their parents due to their busy schedule at work. Moreover, the number of teenage pregnancies increased every year. This social problem also came from lack of guidance and knowledge they can learn from their parents. To avoid this kind of harmful effects of the society, they need to give their one hundred percent attention to their children and should spend more time with their family. Instead of working to sustain the needs of their child, they tend to forget the true meaning of care that their children need from their parents. In conclusion, this essay argued that parents spending their time at their job and due to lack of attention, it contributes to the social problem which their young children involve.
Socioeconomic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
arise in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places of the country and one of them are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individual believes that it’s common among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to reasons such as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spent more time at work and forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will discuss why I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this matter provided with reasons and examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results from not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
they receive from their family
specifically
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or guardians.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
recorded documentaries, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
they want from their friends with the same age or older.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
were influenced
by their friends who are
also
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as drug abuse, illegal gambling and alcoholism more.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not around they are free to do what they want.
For instance
, they tend to skip classes without the knowledge of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to their busy schedule at work.

Moreover
, the number of teenage pregnancies increased every year. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
also
came from lack of guidance and knowledge they can learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To avoid this kind of harmful effects of the society, they need to give their one hundred percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and should spend more time with their family.
Instead
of working to sustain the needs of their child, they tend to forget the true meaning of care that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need from their parents.

In conclusion
, this essay argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spending their time at their job and due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
, it contributes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
involve.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Forests are the lungs of the earth. Destruction of the world’s forests amounts to death of the world we currently know. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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