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Economic progress is one way to measure a country's success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that is more important than the others? v.3

Economic progress is one way to measure a country's success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that is more important than the others? v. 3
It is acknowledged that, monetary development is necessary for the development of every country. While, a number of persons think there are other factors mandatory in the progress of a nation, such as; environmental and health, yet I think educational prosperity is more important than other elements. To begin with, there are various factors that are indispensable for the prosperity of a country. Firstly, health main point to build up a prosperous state, so the government should apply restrictions on the fast food, because it cannot be digested and gives birth to many diseases, Therefore, authorities should make rules for the homemade food with the help of that people can stay healthy. For example, Ajinomotto is an ingredient used for fast food that is considered as a slow poison and it leads to many diseases, namely; obesity, cancer and joint ache. Moreover, eco-friendly environment is also compulsory for good community and inventions are the result of research, they make life comfortable, but people do not use them in an appropriate way and spoil the atmosphere, thus the pollution free environment is need of the economy in today's world. For example. Nuclear fusion was created to produce electricity, but scientist misuses it and gives birth to destruction so they should not use it in this way. Otherwise, here human life cannot be imagined forget about successful nation. However, education is a predominant factor to achieve the motive of the society. Initially, if people will be educated, then they will have knowledge and experience what contribute they can make for the betterment of the community. As well as, they will acquire good communication skills which will be proved helpful for employment opportunities and they can earn good money. If they will make a huge amount of bank balance it will support the development of the particular state. In conclusion, although, there are numerous factors are necessary for the betterment of the region, even though, In my opinion, I believe education is the chief factor, because if people will be literate they can differentiate between right and wrong for the prosperity of democracy.
It
is acknowledged
that, monetary development is necessary for the development of every country. While, a number of persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
mandatory in the progress of a nation, such as; environmental and health,
yet
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
educational prosperity is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than other elements.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that are indispensable for the prosperity of a country.
Firstly
, health main point to build up a prosperous state,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should apply restrictions on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it cannot
be digested
and gives birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases,
Therefore
, authorities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for the homemade food with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay healthy.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ajinomotto
is an ingredient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food that
is considered
as a slow poison and it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases,
namely
; obesity, cancer and joint ache.
Moreover
, eco-friendly environment is
also
compulsory for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
community and inventions are the result of research, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
life comfortable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
and spoil the atmosphere,
thus
the pollution free environment
is need
of the economy in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
For example
. Nuclear fusion
was created
to produce electricity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
scientist misuses it and gives birth to destruction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in this way.
Otherwise
, here human life cannot
be imagined
forget about successful nation.

However
, education is a predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to achieve the motive of the society.
Initially
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be educated
, then they will have knowledge and experience what contribute they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
for the betterment of the community.
As well
as, they will acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
be proved
helpful for employment
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opportunities and
they can earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
money.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a huge amount of bank balance it will support the development of the particular state.
In conclusion
, although, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are necessary for the betterment of the region,
even though
, In my opinion, I believe education is the chief
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be literate they can differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
for the prosperity of democracy.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Economic progress is one way to measure a country's success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that is more important than the others? v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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