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Economic progress is one factor that is being considered to measure the success of a country, but there are other factors that should be considered when measuring the success of a country. Do you agree or disagree? What other factors do you think should be v.1

Economic progress is one factor that is being considered to measure the success of a country, but there are other factors that should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What other factors do you think should be v. 1
Nowadays for a fraction of the population, it is quite common to believe people visiting other countries should follow the behaviours and culture of the local citizens, while others believe this is not mandatory given hosts should be accepting cultural diversity. I will be discussing both and explain why I believe the later is the one that should be adopted as the norm. In recent years we've been watching a growing trend of increasing parts of the society which shows a negative view towards those who act differently compared to the social standards of living, working and communicating. One of the reasons for that increase is linked to the rising population of immigrants in developed countries, leading to higher contrasts between native people and foreign residents. For example, a recent research showed 1/4 of North Americans believe immigrants are affecting the way children act and behave. If parents start to realize their children are not following the social standards they expect, they will try to develop barriers to block access to newcomers and their families, resulting in an increased common view against those who do not fit the local culture. On the other hand, globalization and the internet have exposed the world to a huge variety of different cultures. As a result, children are now raised watching movies, tv shows and documentaries from all continents, spreading a common sense of a universal society, connected with all sorts of social networks and traditional media. That leads to a new generation of citizens which are widely opened to new experiences and languages, and therefore more accepting to host and embrace visitors in a more welcoming way. Furthermore, if peoples from different countries can better integrate, they will also improve the likelihood of better trades and exchange of knowledge, leading to mutual development for both parties. Globalization has more than ever exposed the contrasts between native people and those who are visiting new countries and places, which can result on increased hate and lack of integration between individuals, but also can provide the opportunity for acquiring new knowledge and broaden their views. I believe society should move forward to integrate different cultures to achieve the goal of a global community.
Nowadays for a fraction of the population, it is quite common to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should follow the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and culture of the local citizens, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
this is not mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
hosts should be accepting cultural diversity. I will be discussing both and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
is the one that should
be adopted
as the norm.

In recent years we've been watching a growing trend of increasing parts of the society which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
view towards those who act
differently
compared to the social standards of living, working and communicating. One of the reasons for that increase
is linked
to the rising population of immigrants in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, leading to higher contrasts between native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and foreign residents.
For example
, a recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
1/4 of North Americans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
immigrants are affecting the way children act and behave. If parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to realize their children are not following the social standards they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
, they will try to develop barriers to block access to newcomers and their families, resulting in an increased common view against those who do not fit the local culture.

On the other hand
, globalization and the internet have exposed the world to a huge variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures.
As a result
, children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
raised watching movies,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and documentaries from all continents, spreading a common sense of a universal society, connected with all sorts of social networks and traditional media. That leads to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation of citizens which are
widely
opened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences and languages, and
therefore
more accepting to host and embrace visitors in a more welcoming way.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can better integrate, they will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the likelihood of better trades and exchange of knowledge, leading to mutual development for both parties.

Globalization has more than ever exposed the contrasts between native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and those who are visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and places, which can result on increased hate and lack of integration between individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can provide the opportunity for acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge and broaden their views. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
society should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward to integrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures to achieve the goal of a global community.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Economic progress is one factor that is being considered to measure the success of a country, but there are other factors that should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What other factors do you think should be v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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