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Economic progress is one way to measure a country's success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that is more important than the others? v.2

Economic progress is one way to measure a country's success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that is more important than the others? v. 2
Opinion has been divided on whether or not the economic growth of a nation is the only factor to determine its success. Although I accept that the economy is an extremely significant aspect that every country should pay attention to, I firmly hold that there are several elements to be considered while evaluating the development of a nation. Education and health systems are two essential factors used to estimate the improvement of a community. The first to mention is education, which is widely regarded as the basic standard of humanity. A proper education system will likely enable the citizens to get satisfying jobs, which means the country may reduce the rate of unemployment and various offences. Secondly, health status is also a vital element in a nation’s living standard, as the healthier the population is, the more contribution to the improvement of the country they make. For example, regions enduring severe diseases such as HIV, Ebola or MERS cannot develop as those that have great health care systems. However, I support the view that the economic advance outweighs other components when assessing a country’s prosperity. This is because most experts usually use indexes such as gross domestic product, gross national product or inflation rate to classify nations into developing or developed ones. Moreover, without a sustainable economy, education and health structures may fail to grow utterly since the budget will be too tight for the government to run advanced methods. In my view, the economy has an important role to play in a prosperous country, especially when the considerable improvement in technology affects most aspects of people’s lives, which requires plenty of money. For the foregoing discussions, while there are numerous elements should be counted, it is necessary to emphasize the irreplaceable importance of the economy in the development of a country.
Opinion has
been divided
on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the economic growth of a nation is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor to determine its success. Although I accept that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
is an
extremely
significant aspect that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should pay attention to, I
firmly
hold that there are several elements to
be considered
while evaluating the development of a nation.

Education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
systems are two essential factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to estimate the improvement of a community. The
first
to mention is education, which is
widely
regarded as the basic standard of humanity. A proper education system will likely enable the citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfying jobs, which means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of unemployment and various
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status is
also
a vital element in a nation’s living standard, as the healthier the population is, the more contribution to the improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
For example
, regions enduring severe diseases such as HIV, Ebola or MERS cannot develop as those that have great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care systems.

However
, I support the view that the economic advance outweighs other components when assessing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
prosperity. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most experts
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
indexes such as gross domestic product, gross national product or inflation rate to classify nations into developing or developed ones.
Moreover
, without a sustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
structures may fail to grow
utterly
since the budget will be too tight for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to run advanced methods. In my view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play in a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
especially
when the considerable improvement in technology affects most aspects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of money.

For the foregoing discussions, while there are numerous elements should
be counted
, it is necessary to emphasize the irreplaceable importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Economic progress is one way to measure a country's success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that is more important than the others? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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