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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v.9

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v. 9
It is commonly observed that different nations people have been gained the minimum weight and for this is reducing the levels of well-being. It has become a complicated problem and essential to be solved. There are several causes leading to average weight increasing. Firstly, the major problem for this, most people can not follow the proper diet for eating food because they like junk food or fast food in the restaurant and cafeteria. As a result, they could be picked up weight. Secondly, some people can not exercise even though they know about the importance of exercise. For instance, jogging, walking, yoga, cycling, and so on. Lastly, people can be used for various types of beauty products or body-related medicine. Subsequently, it has been harmful to their body and different kind of awful side effected. Hence, It can raise the weight of people and decrease the levels of health and fitness. Some measure should be taken to tackle the causes. First and for the most, people should keep away from outside food and, having healthy and fresh food. So, they will able to maintain an average weight and levels of fitness. In addition, they must do exercise for them at least twice a week. It is helpful for them as well as, they should avoid any kind of dangerous medicine for the body and the best way to use natural products. Thus, they would be managed minimum weight and health levels. To sum up, the lack of overweight is a serious issue for people. Problems and solutions need to take into consideration. However, the balance of weight is helpful for people's levels of health and fitness.
It is
commonly
observed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been gained
the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and for this is reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of well-being. It has become a complicated problem and essential to
be solved
.

There are several causes leading to average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
increasing.
Firstly
, the major problem for this, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not follow the proper diet for eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they like junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the restaurant and cafeteria.
As a result
, they could
be picked
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not exercise
even though
they know about the importance of exercise.
For instance
, jogging, walking, yoga, cycling, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for various types of beauty products or body-related medicine.
Subsequently
, it has been harmful to their body and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of awful side effected.
Hence
, It can raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of health and fitness.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
measure should
be taken
to tackle the causes.
First
and for the most,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away from outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and, having healthy and fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to maintain an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of fitness.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do exercise for them at least twice a week. It is helpful for them
as well
as, they should avoid any kind of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
medicine for the body and the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
natural products.
Thus
, they would
be managed
minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and health levels.

To sum up, the lack of overweight is a serious issue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Problems and solutions need to take into consideration.
However
, the balance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is helpful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of health and fitness.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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