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Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss bot v.7

Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss bot v. 7
Doctors everyday warn to people that the root of many diseases is from sweet things, such as sugar or chocolate, and they ask people to use less sugar in their diet. Some people believe that it is an administration role to reduce the use of sugar in people diet, while others think it is a personal duty and people should obey. This essay will shed some light on this argument from both sides and extend my partial support to the former view before arriving at conclusion. Regime has a great power to unravel this issue, first of all government can put high tax and hard law on sugar import or sweet things that they are unhealthy for people. By this way, the buy power will be decreased and the range of consumers who eat sugar will be less. For instance, they can import or produce brown sugar of non-fat chocolate. It is obvious that eating sweet things such as chocolate or pure sugar cause a lot of diseases such as diabetes, blood pressure, heart diseases or any other problems for humans. Hence, government should find healthy sweet thing instead of sugar. More over the best way to teach people who do not have enough information of harmful sugar. Leaders can make advertisements or educational clips that show the negative points of using sugar in our routine diet, and encourage people to live their life healthier. On the other hand, some persons believe that people should stop eating sugar. If people check up their body twice a year they can discover the problems on their body, after that they have to change their diet to get health. It depends on their determination and government cannot do anything on this subject. Some people knows that they have illness that are transferred by gene. All diseases which are related to sugar are genetic, thus they should care about their health and always keep their diet without harmful sugar. They do not drink beverage or eat chocolate or confection. At the conclusion, in my opinion government plays a key role on people’s health. They should allocate a large amount budget on this argument. At first they need to educate people, in other words, they should prevent and after that they should of make patients treatment free.
Doctors
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
warn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the root of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
things, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
or chocolate, and they ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in their diet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is an administration role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
diet, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a personal duty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should obey. This essay will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this argument from both sides and extend my partial support to the former view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at conclusion.

Regime has a great power to unravel this issue,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can put high tax and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
law on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
import or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
things that they are unhealthy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By this way, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
power will
be decreased
and the range of consumers who eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
will be less.
For instance
, they can import or produce brown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
of non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
chocolate. It is obvious that eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
things such as chocolate or pure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as diabetes, blood pressure, heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems for humans.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should find healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
thing
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. More over the best way to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information of harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. Leaders can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
advertisements or educational clips that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in our routine diet, and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life healthier.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up their body twice a year they can discover the problems on their body, after that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their diet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
health. It depends on their determination and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot do anything on this subject.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
knows
that they have illness that
are transferred
by gene. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
are genetic,
thus
they should care about their health and always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their diet without harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. They do not drink beverage or eat chocolate or confection.

At the conclusion, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays a key role on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. They should allocate a large amount budget on this argument. At
The comma is probably missing here: "first, they".
first they
need to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
and after that they should
Did you mean "have"? ('should of' is probably an incorrect use of the verb phrase 'should have'; as contraction "should've" sounds like "could of")
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
patients treatment free.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss bot v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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