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Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 2
According to World Health Organisation (WHO), the prevalence of non-communicable diseases caused by excessive amount of sugar intake, namely diabetes and obesity, has been increasing lately. Some people argue that councils have to take action while the others think that sugar consumption is a personal responsibility. In this essay, I shall give my opinion that both parties have their responsibilities. On the one hand, there is always a government organisation similar to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in every country who is responsible for checking food ingredients, deciding whether it is safe for consumers, and giving permission for the distribution. For example, food containing more than 200 milligrams saccharin, a kind of synthetic sweetener, has to be restricted because it is scientifically proven that consuming more than 200 milligrams saccharin per day in one year can lead to diabetes and obesity. On the other hand, people have to aware about their health by improving the knowledge regarding the source and kind of sweetener that they consume and limit the sugar intake. For example, alternative sweetener, such as stevia and corn saccharide are the best choice for people who like sweet cuisine. The stevia sweetness level is a hundred times higher than the usual sugar, but our body absorbs it less. So, we do not have to calculate our daily sugar consumption. To sum up, the government has the power to limit the amount of sweetener in distributed food. However, limiting the daily sugar intake and choosing the proper saccharide to be consumed are the individual’s responsibility.
According to World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
(WHO), the prevalence of non-communicable diseases caused by excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake,
namely
diabetes and obesity, has been increasing lately.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that councils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take action while the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption is a personal responsibility. In this essay, I shall give my opinion that both parties have their responsibilities.

On the one hand, there is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
similar to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
and Drug Administration (FDA) in every country who is responsible for checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ingredients, deciding whether it is safe for consumers, and giving permission for the distribution.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
containing more than 200 milligrams saccharin, a kind of synthetic sweetener,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be restricted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
scientifically
proven that consuming more than 200 milligrams saccharin per day in one year can lead to diabetes and obesity.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
aware about their health by improving the knowledge regarding the source and kind of sweetener that they consume and limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake.
For example
, alternative sweetener, such as stevia and corn
Possible spelling mistake found.
saccharide
are the best choice for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who like sweet cuisine. The stevia sweetness level is a hundred times higher than the usual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our body absorbs it less.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
calculate our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption.

To sum up, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has the power to limit the amount of sweetener in distributed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
However
, limiting the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake and choosing the proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
saccharide
to
be consumed
are the individual’s responsibility.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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