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Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 6
It is irrefutable that health is the most important jewel one can possess. There are some people who believe that it is the government's responsibility to control sugar intake of their citizens, while others argue that it is one's own responsibility. I tend to agree with the latter argument and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples. First and foremost, every individual has the right to choose what they should eat. There are people who give great importance to their food intake and ignore eating sugar, while others are much more obsessed with sweet. For instance, it has been proved that those who work out regularly are more conscious to their health and eat less sugary food. In contrast, the phenomenon is exactly opposite for less active people. It is because they don't give much importance to health until it is alarming. As a result, they need to stop sugar intake, as per their doctor's recommendation otherwise things could get worst. Therefore, one should always take responsibility and control his consumption of sugar for his own good. On the other hand, there are ways that government can help their citizens in a passive way. There are a lot of drinks that has a huge amount of sugar in it. For example, most of the energy drinks have high sugar content, which gives more sugar than energy to an individual. The government should take action against them as false advertising and should ask them to revise their sugar percentage in energy drinks. Also, the government should run a campaign to enlighten and motivate everyone about the harmful effect of consuming too much sugar. As a result, It would help in making a world a healthier place. In conclusion, whereas sugar is a tempting substance and is required for taste in a lot of dishes. In my view, as an individual, we should step up and control our eating habits which will help us in staying healthy.
It is irrefutable that health is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
jewel one can possess. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's responsibility to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake of their citizens, while others argue that it is one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter argument and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.

First
and foremost, every individual has the right to choose what they should eat. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who give great importance to their food intake and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, while others are much more obsessed with sweet.
For instance
, it has
been proved
that those who work out
regularly
are more conscious to their health and eat less sugary food.
In contrast
, the phenomenon is exactly opposite for less active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't give much importance to health until it is alarming.
As a result
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake, as per their doctor's recommendation
otherwise
things could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worst.
Therefore
, one should always take responsibility and control his consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

On the other hand
, there are ways that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their citizens
Consider replacing "in a passive way" with the adverb for "passive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a passive way
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
drinks that has a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in it.
For example
, most of the energy drinks have high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
content, which gives more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
than energy to an individual. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take action against them as false advertising and should ask them to revise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
percentage in energy drinks.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should run a campaign to enlighten and motivate everyone about the harmful effect of consuming too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
As a result
, It would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in making a world a healthier place.

In conclusion
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is a tempting substance and
is required
for taste in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
dishes. In my view, as an individual, we should step up and control our eating habits which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us in staying healthy.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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