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Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is a government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is a government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 5
Recently there has been much interest in gaining a better understanding of the different ways to limit the sugar consumption. Some feel that the government is solely responsible for controlling such products. However, I agree with those who are of the opinion that individuals are the one should take up the responsibility. In this essay, I will proffer the rationale for both viewpoints as well as adduce all the argument to support my view. They who espouse the former opinion claim that the government rules can stand out to limit the usage of sugar. The proponents of this view maintain that the government could protect their society members' health by introducing new regulation to ban production and utilization of this product. As a result, those families who are not self motivated for reducing the sugar consumption will be enforced to improve their health conditions. Maybe there is some truth in this claim, and some empirical evidence can be provided to support it. A 2007 study, for instance, conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that human mind will not stop pursuing a particular activity unless they are forced by an external source. As this example illustrates, the government should take necessary steps to control the use. Nonetheless, one can argue that there is more to the story than this research tells. Personally, I firmly believe that it is an individual's job to protect his/her health conditions. It goes without saying that there are tons of rules and regulations out there for restricting the use of drugs, alcohol and other products, but people still overuse these products regardless. If individuals are self-motivated and educated for limiting the use of these products, then there are less chances that they would consume any products that harm their health. My school friend, Ben, is a shining example of this. He used to smoke cigarettes despite of federal laws. However, one day he realized the detrimental effects of smoking and before he knew it, he stopped smoking. To sum up, although the government could limit the usage for some family members by creating new laws. However, I still hold to the opinion that it is an individual's responsibility to take care of their medical conditions by self-awareness and proper education.
Recently there has been much interest in gaining a better understanding of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to limit the sugar consumption.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
solely
responsible for controlling such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who are of the opinion that individuals are the one should take up the responsibility. In this essay, I will proffer the rationale for both viewpoints
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
adduce all the argument to support my view.

They who espouse the former opinion claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can stand out to limit the usage of sugar. The proponents of this view maintain that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could protect their society members'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by introducing new regulation to ban production and utilization of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
As a result
, those families who are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self motivated
for reducing the sugar consumption will
be enforced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions. Maybe there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in this claim, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
empirical evidence can
be provided
to support it. A 2007 study,
for instance
, conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that human mind will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
pursuing a particular activity unless they
are forced
by an external source. As this example illustrates, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take necessary steps to control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Nonetheless, one can argue that there is more to the story than this research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
.
Personally
, I
firmly
believe that it is an individual's job to protect his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions. It goes without saying that there are tons of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations out there for restricting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of drugs, alcohol and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
overuse these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
regardless. If individuals are self-motivated and educated for limiting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, then there are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances that they would consume any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that harm their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. My school friend, Ben, is a shining example of this. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to smoke cigarettes
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
federal laws.
However
, one day he realized the detrimental effects of smoking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he knew it, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
smoking.

To sum up, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could limit the usage for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
family members by creating new laws.
However
, I
still
hold to the opinion that it is an individual's responsibility to take care of their medical conditions by self-awareness and proper education.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is a government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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