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Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. v.7

Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. v. 7
There are many extreme sports today such as the high-speed car or bike racing, mountain climbing and water sports. Despite many risks associated with these sports, many people love them because of their adventure and risk loving attitude, to feel the sense of achievement and to attain celebrity status thereby earning money through sponsorships. Since these risks come with a price tag, they need to take several precautions while playing these sports like, following strict safety measures, learning from the experience of others and joining a group rather than attempting them individually. Many people today are ambitious because of the said reasons. For example, the number of people today trying to climb Mount Everest is on the rise. It makes them stronger mentally and physically by handling life-threatening risks such as avalanche. Apart from these reasons, some like this type of sports to earn celebrity status. Once they earn this privilege, they are respected by society and organisations pay them to become brand ambassadors. For example, a recent Mt. Everest climber has been selected as an icon of famous trekking equipment maker. While adrenaline-rising sports are good, several precautions need to be taken while participating in them. Safety measures are most important because life is at stake. Having safety devices at reach can save one from serious injuries. Another easiest and suggested approach is to read blogs or books of people who succeeded and failed while trying them. It helps to form a list of what and what not to do. When these games are tried in a group, they can help each other during accidents and whenever an obstacle struck. In summary, as risks are associated with a price tag, strict precautions need to be in place to stay alive.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
such as the high-speed car or bike racing, mountain climbing and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
associated with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their adventure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
loving attitude, to feel the sense of achievement and to attain celebrity status thereby earning money through sponsorships. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a price tag, they need to take several precautions while playing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like, following strict safety measures, learning from the experience of others and joining a group
rather
than attempting them
individually
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are ambitious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the said reasons.
For example
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
trying to climb Mount Everest is on the rise. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them stronger mentally and
physically
by handling life-threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
such as avalanche. Apart from these reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
like this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to earn celebrity status. Once they earn this privilege, they
are respected
by society and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
pay them to become brand ambassadors.
For example
, a recent Mt. Everest climber has
been selected
as an icon of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
trekking equipment maker.

While adrenaline-rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, several precautions need to
be taken
while participating in them. Safety measures are most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
life is at stake. Having safety devices at reach can save one from serious injuries. Another easiest and suggested approach is to read blogs or books of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who succeeded and failed while trying them. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to form a list of what and what not to do. When these games
are tried
in a group, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other during accidents and whenever an obstacle struck.

In summary, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
are associated
with a price tag, strict precautions need to be in place to stay alive.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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