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Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. v.6

Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. v. 6
Sport is a very important thing in our life. It plays an integral role in keeping our health safe as well as it contributes to human personality. There are many types of sports, for example, fighting sports, water sports, single and team sports. Some of these sports are dangerous like mixed martial arts and mountain climbing. Many people prefer these dangerous sports and keep practising them regularly. I think they love to do so because they may fell a sort of lack of confidence, so they try to maintain this point through doing these dangerous sports. Besides that, some people may have problems in dealing with others as they might be treated in an impolite and crude ways, so they need learn and practice fighting sports to be able to defend themselves. The most striking feature, in my opinion, is the stress in addition to the negative energy that many people have, they need to release their stress by practising dangerous sports as windsurf for instance. I tend to see that, those people should be trained well by professional coaches before they start playing these to minimise any danger that may occur during this practice. Also, some restrictions should be done for these sports and they should be related to age, as the small children and young ages should be avoided from practising this kind of sports because they may still young to deal with their dangerous. Last but not least, governments and the concerned regulatory authorities should set rules to guide and control practising of these dangerous sports, as one their responsibilities is to keep their citizens safe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in our life. It plays an integral role in keeping our health safe
as well
as it contributes to human personality. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
for example
, fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, single and team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
like mixed martial arts and mountain climbing.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
them
regularly
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
fell
a sort of lack of confidence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they try to maintain this point through doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Besides
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have problems in dealing with others as they might
be treated
in an impolite and crude ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need learn and practice fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to be able to defend themselves. The most striking feature, in my opinion, is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in addition
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
energy that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have, they need to release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as windsurf
for instance
.

I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be trained
well by professional coaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing these to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
that may occur during this practice.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions should
be done
for these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they should
be related
to age, as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children and young ages should
be avoided
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may
still
young to deal with their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and the concerned regulatory authorities should set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to guide and control
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, as one their responsibilities is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their citizens safe.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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