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The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. v.1

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. v. 1
This world has become very difficult for the people having no resources to support their family with respect to food and other necessary commodities, in turn crimes are increasing day by day in this world. The criminals after releasing for the first time since the cell, re-offend. There are many factors resulting re-offend, and the key points in my sense are the lack of rehabilitation and less employment opportunities after being free from the lockup. The solution to this issue is to introduce training lessons during the prison sentence and keep active supervision for them. Firstly, the one of the main reason with the offenders for running on the same track of violence is the lack of rehabilitation whilst jail. In other words, the criminals are not given a chance to retrain and learn new skills to correct their moral behaviour, instead they mix up with the other offender in the lockup and develop false intentions. Secondarily, after release from the jail these people suffer financially, or we can say that they find hard time to find the job or any other source of income, which ultimately force them to repeat what they did before. As per the survey conducted by Geo News (Pakistani News Channel), almost 90% of the criminals choose to repeat the offence due to lack of money to feed their families including kids. There are two effective solutions to the problem of repeat offenders. One way to tackle this is to ensure that all criminals entering prison are given the chance to acquire useful skills which will hopefully ensure them a job after they have served their sentence. By doing this, they can get integrated back into the society and also find some means to support themselves financially. Another method of dealing with criminals who offend is to have more supervision and checks in place when they are back in society. This solution would hopefully prevent them from taking any chances and deter them from offending because they are being watched closely. In conclusion, providing vocational training in jail and monitoring their activities once they are out of prison are effective ways to deal with this issue. If governments implemented these solutions, crime figures would soon drop.
This world has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having no resources to support their family with respect to food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
necessary commodities, in turn crimes are increasing day by day in this world. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
after releasing for the
first
time since the cell, re-offend. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors resulting re-offend, and the key points in my sense are the lack of rehabilitation and less employment opportunities after being free from the lockup. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to this issue is to introduce training lessons during the prison sentence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
active supervision for them.

Firstly
, the one of the main reason with the offenders for running on the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of violence is the lack of rehabilitation whilst jail. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to retrain and learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to correct their moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
instead
they mix up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
offender in the lockup and develop false intentions.
Secondarily
, after release from the jail these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer
financially
, or we can say that they find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time to find the job or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
source of income, which
ultimately
force them to repeat what they did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. As per the survey conducted by Geo News (Pakistani News Channel), almost 90% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
choose to repeat the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
due to lack of money to feed their families including kids.

There are two effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to the problem of repeat offenders. One way to tackle this is to ensure that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
entering prison are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to acquire useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
hopefully
ensure them a job after they have served their sentence. By doing this, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
integrated back into the society and
also
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
means to support themselves
financially
.

Another method of dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who offend is to have more supervision and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
in place when they are back in society. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
would
hopefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from taking any chances and deter them from offending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
closely
.

In conclusion
, providing vocational training in jail and monitoring their activities once they are out of prison are effective ways to deal with this issue. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
implemented these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
, crime figures would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
drop.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
371 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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