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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v.9

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 9
With the passage of time, involvement of people in crime is more. They are becoming criminals due to various reasons. In this essay, list of solutions will put forward to curb the problem of increasing offenders in society along with the situations in which they are forced to become the culprit. To start with, it has been noticed that in the list of lawbreakers juveniles are more. Youngsters have involved themselves more in crime. The major reasons for this is less attention of parents. To elaborate, guardians are more busy in their work and do not have much time for their children. Even, they are less worried about the daily routine of the child. For an example, in which company their child is and in what kind of activities he is involved. Moreover, they are less concerned about the problems from which he is suffering and in this situation he is looking for other methods like drinking and later It can be proved more dangerous. Next major reason can be circumstances of a person. For an example, an individual can choose the wrong path in the need of money and maybe he has become criminal in order to protect himself. But, in a later situation there are chances of improvement. There are number of solutions through which crime rate can be reduced. Firstly, to decrease the ratio of crime from the society it is important that the law should be strict and punishment against the criminals should be hard. With this there will fear in the mind of lawbreakers and they will think before putting any criminal activity into action. Next, records should be along with the judiciary while taking any decision because sometime one wrong decision can put the life of a person at risk and if there are chances of self-improvement then there will be no hope left. Lastly, parents should become more careful regarding their children. They should have an eye on them. In crux, no doubt crime is all around the world but still there is hope to make the society crime free. But for this, the government and people should take steps together.
With the passage of time, involvement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is more. They are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
due to various reasons. In this essay, list of solutions will put forward to curb the problem of increasing offenders in society along with the situations in which they
are forced
to become the culprit.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it has
been noticed
that in the list of lawbreakers juveniles are more. Youngsters have involved themselves more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The major reasons for this is less attention of parents. To elaborate, guardians are more busy in their work and do not have much time for their children. Even, they are less worried about the daily routine of the child. For an example, in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
their child is and in what kind of activities he
is involved
.
Moreover
, they are less concerned about the problems from which he is suffering and in this situation he is looking for other methods like drinking and later It can
be proved
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
Next
major reason can be circumstances of a person. For an example, an individual can choose the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path in the need of money and maybe he has become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
in order to protect himself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in a later situation there are chances of improvement.

There are number of solutions through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
Firstly
, to decrease the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
from the society it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the law should be strict and punishment against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. With this there will fear in the mind of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lawbreakers and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
putting any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity into action.
Next
, records should be along with the judiciary while taking any decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
sometime one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision can put the life of a person at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and if there are chances of self-improvement then there will be no hope
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
.
Lastly
, parents should become more careful regarding their children. They should have an eye on them.

In crux, no doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is all around the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
there is hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
free.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should take steps together.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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