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Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v. 4
Migration of people from the underdeveloped countries to the developed ones has been in existence since a long time ago. Many people travel for various reasons, one of which is to seek a better quality of life. Skilled workers from poor countries who are talented and well qualified should be allowed to work in specialised areas in the richer nations. I strongly agree with this opinion, and I will my view with the explanations in this essay. To begin, the movement of skilled workers from the poorer to the richer regions offers a number of benefits to both the individuals and the recipient countries. Firstly, most of these employees, make up an integral part of the workforce when they are employed. Let us take the migration of health personnels in the United Kingdom as an example, where there is currently a mass shortage of doctors and nurses in the healthcare sector. These skilled immigrants are the ones filling the vacuum, and without them the health of the masses will suffer. Hence, qualified employees from low income countries should be permitted to work in high income areas. In addition, moving to richer nations will lead to a better quality of life for these employees. However, a growing number of people who are against the movement from urban to rural areas, have argued that it is detrimental to the economy of the countries these workers are leaving. On the long run, there will eventually be a shortage of skilled personnels in the underdeveloped world. What's more? Taxes of these workers will go to richer nations, thereby leading to a massive reduction in the revenue generation in the poorest countries. Consequently, poor nations may continue to get poorer, while the rich nations getting richer. In conclusion, People should be given the autonomy to get the jobs they are qualified for regardless of their socioeconomic backgrounds. I believe that, ultimately, movement of skilled workers from one country to another should not be restricted.
Migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
has been in existence since a long time ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel for various reasons, one of which is to seek a better quality of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who
are talented
and well qualified should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work in
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
areas in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, and I will my view with the explanations in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
from the poorer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
regions offers a number of benefits to both the individuals and the recipient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, most of these employees,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up an integral part of the workforce when they
are employed
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us take the migration of health
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
in the United Kingdom as an example, where there is
currently
a mass shortage of doctors and nurses in the healthcare sector. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
immigrants are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
filling the vacuum, and without them the health of the masses will suffer.
Hence
, qualified employees from low income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
be permitted
to work in high income areas.
In addition
, moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will lead to a better quality of life for these employees.

However
, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are against the movement from urban to rural areas, have argued that it is detrimental to the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are leaving. On the long run, there will
eventually
be a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
in the underdeveloped world. What's more? Taxes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
will go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, thereby leading to a massive reduction in the revenue generation in the poorest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Consequently
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
may continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
poorer, while the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
getting richer.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the autonomy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the jobs they
are qualified
for regardless of their socioeconomic backgrounds. I believe that,
ultimately
, movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another should not
be restricted
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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