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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.23

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 23
The increasing rate of crime is a topic of serious concern these days. There are several reasons for the same and also some measures can be taken to overcome this problem. One of the primary reason of this is unemployment. As the number of jobs available are not adequate to provide employment to the vast population, people resort to burglary and robbery to make ends meet. To control the above situation, more jobs should be created to increase the earning capacity of people. Another area of malfunction is unequal distribution of wealth. many people in India are below the poverty line. This hand to mouth situation is a precursor to criminal activities. In addition, natural calamities worsen the situation. The poor people in these rural areas who are hit by a disaster turn out to be criminals in future. In this case, government should take measures to improve their standard of living. However, psychological resistance of some people to depend on government and their subsidies also leads to crime. Moreover, offenders during their imprisonment are confined to the four walls of jail. Nothing is being done to help them improve their skills. Apparently, they serve their punishment just killing their time and mingling with co-offenders. Here government should come into action. These prisoners should be imparted with some knowledge and positive outlook which will assist them in finding job for themselves once they are released. To recapitulate, the aforementioned measures can work for creating noble citizens thereby making this world a better and safer place to live in.
The increasing rate of crime is a topic of serious concern these days. There are several reasons for the same and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures can
be taken
to overcome this problem.

One of the primary reason of this is unemployment. As the number of jobs available are not adequate to provide employment to the vast population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
resort to burglary and robbery to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. To control the above situation, more jobs should
be created
to increase the earning capacity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another area of malfunction is unequal distribution of wealth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India are below the poverty line. This hand to mouth situation is a precursor to criminal activities.
In addition
, natural calamities worsen the situation. The poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these rural areas who
are hit
by a disaster turn out to be criminals
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
In this case
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standard of living.
However
, psychological resistance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to depend on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and their subsidies
also
leads to crime.

Moreover
, offenders during their imprisonment
are confined
to the four walls of jail. Nothing is
being done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Apparently
, they serve their punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
killing their time and mingling with co-offenders. Here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into action. These prisoners should
be imparted
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook which will assist them in finding job for themselves once they
are released
.

To recapitulate, the aforementioned measures can work for creating noble citizens thereby making this world a better and safer place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 23

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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