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Analysts tell us that many people today feel stressed and think they have insufficient control over their lives. What problems do such feelings cause for people? What remedies could you suggest? v.2

Analysts tell us that many people today feel stressed and think they have insufficient control over their lives. What problems do such feelings cause for people? What remedies could you suggest? v. 2
Mental suffering and self-uncontrolled live nowadays have been found in some researches to lie in people’s health. Consequently, with some plausible reason, cause-solution explanation will be provided in this essay. One of major causes which lie in people’s mental health is the demanding works. Nowadays, employees are facing difficulties causing high stress when applying for improper job with high salary, meaning that people undertake enormous tasks leading them to devote more time and effort in order to earn more money. As a result they do not have free time for relaxation. Another reasonable cause is that people have unsuitable spare time for whether their family or even themselves. This happens when they consider that leisure activity is unnecessary, in which time can be spent on earning money by work and more budgets are spent on. Thus, their brain will be tired and certainly suffer from mental health. One of excellent suggestions is that worker apply for a proper job, in which the tasks are able to be properly tackled. By this we mean that employees should be wise to determine how many duties they can fulfill adequately in order to derive job satisfaction and take fairly-free time. The second solution to handle stress would be to take more leisure time, such as travel or vacation around beautiful landscape. People have to fully conscious that even travelling might be expected as wasting money and time, but this would be essential to avoid mental suffering. Overall, it is logical to conclude that the exhausting tasks and less free time belonging will endure such mental suffering. And only after applying for proper job and taking vacation, will people relieve this undergoing pain.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mental
suffering and self-uncontrolled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
nowadays have
been found
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches to lie in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
Consequently
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plausible reason, cause-solution explanation will
be provided
in this essay.

One of major causes which lie in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health is the demanding works. Nowadays, employees are facing difficulties causing high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
when applying for improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with high salary, meaning that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
undertake enormous tasks leading them to devote more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort in order to earn more money.
As a result
they do not have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxation. Another reasonable cause is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have unsuitable spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for whether their family or even themselves. This happens when they consider that leisure activity is unnecessary, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be spent
on earning money by work and more budgets
are spent
on.
Thus
, their brain will
be tired
and
certainly
suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health.

One of excellent suggestions is
The verb 'apply' is plural. Did you mean: "that worker applies"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that worker apply
for a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, in which the tasks are able to be
properly
tackled. By this we mean that employees should be wise to determine how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
duties they can fulfill
adequately
in order to derive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and take
fairly
-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The second solution to handle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
would be to take more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, such as travel or vacation around
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
landscape.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fully
conscious that even travelling might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
as wasting money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this would be essential to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
suffering.

Overall
, it is logical
to conclude
that the exhausting tasks and less free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
belonging will endure such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
suffering. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after applying for proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and taking vacation, will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relieve this undergoing pain.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Analysts tell us that many people today feel stressed and think they have insufficient control over their lives. What problems do such feelings cause for people? What remedies could you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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