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Some people say that e-books and modern technology will totally replace the traditional papers and magazines. To what extent do you agree and disagree. v.1

Some people say that e-books and modern technology will totally replace the traditional papers and magazines. v. 1
In the contemporary era, there is heated argument over the issue that, many individuals believe that electronic books and update technology devices will totally substitute the printed media. The Lion's share of society favours it. However, the rest goes adverse it. The following paragraphs would shed light my personal perspective use with an example. To commence with the various reasons for some masses is view that e-books and modern technology. There are a myriad things in its favour. First and foremost, reading journal has become a habit of many people. Everyone reads a newspaper in the early morning with a cup of tea. Secondly the newspaper is the portable, Cheapest and every person can be buy it from knock of the corner. furthermore, it can be carried from one place to another in bag and available at an economical price. Even more, about 85% of masses are read printed media instead of digital books. On the flip side of a Coin, some critics go against the above discussed points. The technology has blessed our life in a good way. It makes our life easy and convenient. Moreover, the electronic multimedia provide update information within the certain time. Whereas, the paper media take approximately one day and it has a long process such as: first of all the reporters collect the information about certain things then the particular news has printed on paper. However, nowadays the news got viral on social media. Where as people download from social apps and they share this news with their near and dear ones. Last but not the least, the videos provide full and clear view individuals in spite of reading the newspaper and magazines. Hammering the last nail, I am of the opinion that the traditional papers and magazines will not be vanished out in the upcoming future. Hence, it will depend on the age group and their approach towards reading newspapers and magazines.
In the contemporary era, there
is heated
argument over the issue that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals believe that electronic books and update technology devices will
totally
substitute the printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. The Lion's share of society
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
it.
However
, the rest goes adverse it. The following paragraphs would shed light my personal perspective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
with an example.

To commence with the various reasons for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses is view that e-books and modern technology. There are a myriad
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thing"?
things
in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
First
and foremost, reading journal has become a habit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Everyone reads a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
in the early morning with a cup of tea.
Secondly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
is the portable, Cheapest and every person can be
Consider using a past participle here: "bought".
buy
it from knock of the corner.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, it can
be carried
from one place to another in bag and available at an economical price. Even more, about 85% of masses
are read
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
instead
of digital books.

On the flip side of a Coin,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics go against the above discussed points. The technology has blessed our life in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life easy and convenient.
Moreover
, the electronic multimedia provide update information within the certain time. Whereas, the paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
take approximately one day and it has a long process such as:
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
the reporters collect the information about certain things then the particular news has printed on paper.
However
, nowadays the news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
viral on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
download from social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
apps and
they share this news with their near and dear ones. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, the videos provide full and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
view individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
reading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
and magazines.

Hammering the last nail, I am of the opinion that the traditional papers and magazines will not
be vanished
out in the upcoming future.
Hence
, it will depend on the age group and their approach towards reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and magazines.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that e-books and modern technology will totally replace the traditional papers and magazines. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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