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Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved? v.2

Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved? v. 2
Surging unemployment rate owing to drop-out school children is a much common issue nowadays. It not only causes scarcity of employment opportunities but also has negative impacts on the community. I believe that this problem can apparently be resolved by making educational system more interesting and by providing financial assistance to the students. To begin with, if education delivering medium is interesting, learners will likely be a part of it as it fascinates youngsters to get educational content easily. For example, to reduce the number of dropouts, the government of New Delhi in India has recently launched smart classes in which study material is being delivered in digital form. Hence, it might act as an effective tool to alleviate the increasing number of school leavers. Moreover, as the number of schoolchildren leaving study in the middle of sessions owing to the financial hindrances such as tuition fees and different daily expenses is increasing, governments should actively intervene in such concerns, and it should also provide some provisions to the financial weaker students in terms of subsidy and scholarships. To exemplify, if economical weaker learners get financial assistances, they might not leave their studies in-between due to financial constraints. Therefore, such initiatives can certainly reduce the number dropping out students. To summarize, I think that by making education delivering medium fascinating and by providing financial assistance for economical weaker pupils, the issue of study leavers can be reduced.
Surging unemployment rate owing to drop-out school children is
Maybe you should omit the article 'a', leaving only "much".
a much
common issue nowadays. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causes scarcity of employment opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the community. I believe that this problem can
apparently
be resolved
by making educational system more interesting and by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance to the students.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if education delivering medium is interesting, learners will likely be a part of it as it fascinates youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educational content
easily
.
For example
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of dropouts, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of New Delhi in India has recently launched smart classes in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
material is
being delivered
in digital form.
Hence
, it might act as an effective tool to alleviate the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
.

Moreover
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of schoolchildren leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in the middle of sessions owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
hindrances such as tuition fees and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
daily expenses is increasing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
actively
intervene in such concerns, and it should
also
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
provisions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
weaker students in terms of subsidy and scholarships. To exemplify, if economical weaker learners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistances
, they might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in-between due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
constraints.
Therefore
, such initiatives can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
dropping out students.

To summarize
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that by making education delivering medium fascinating and by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance for economical weaker pupils, the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
leavers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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