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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do up and community work to what extent do you agree? Instead of being put behind bars. v.5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do up and community work Instead of being put behind bars. v. 5
Nowadays, There are many prisoners locked down behind the bars and left idle while taking their punishment period. However, many of them could spend their free time on the social service to atone their sin while waiting for their freedom. From my point of view, These prisoners with a light crime or a few years of jailing should be allow to service the community. Exploring the benefits and losses of applying the service task for these captives will prove this. First of all, These people could relieve their bordom with these activitys while taking the punishment. Likewise, many nations had been applied a lot of task, such as, the sewer cleaning, the pedestrian path paving, or some farming job that could be a service to public and can provided a cheap labor to help in many troublesome tasks. Even so, they need to be monitored to avoid the risk of escaping or the risk to cause any damage to surrounding. In other words, these presioners of a light crime or a few years of penalty left should be the ideal target so as to have less reason to escape. On the one hand, their service might provided a better image for many post-prisoners. As many of them were going to encountering many hardships or struggling to get a job for living in the future, for example, many American post-prisoner repeat their crime because they have a hard time to find any job. In order to solve these problems, some countries alloweded them to atone their sin with many type of community works while they are taking their punishment. Nontheless, this method was working for many celebrities but less effective on the other common captives. By this I mean, they have the right to have a chance to redeem for their crime and also have the right to improve their image for their future being. In conclusion, these guity men could be more useful with their duties instate of remaining idle behind those bars. It can be accept that they should spend their jail period on many social services with a condition of low escaping risk. As for the society benefits, this approach could be better in longterm as they could have a chance to turn over a new leaf with a better life.
Nowadays, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prisoners locked down behind the bars and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
idle while taking their punishment period.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them could spend their free time on the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
to atone their sin while waiting for their freedom. From my point of view, These prisoners with a light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
or a few years of jailing should be
Consider using the past participle "allowed"?
allow
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
the community. Exploring the benefits and losses of applying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
task for these captives will prove this.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could relieve their
Possible spelling mistake found.
bordom
with these
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "activities", the plural form of the noun 'activity'?
activitys
while taking the punishment.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations had
been applied
Possible agreement error. The noun task seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of tasks".
a lot of task
, such as, the sewer cleaning, the pedestrian path paving, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
farming job that could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
to public and can provided a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
labor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
troublesome tasks. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they need to
be monitored
to avoid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of escaping or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to cause any damage to surrounding.
In other words
, these
Possible spelling mistake found.
presioners
of a light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
or a few years of penalty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
should be the ideal target
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
have less reason to escape.

On the one hand, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
might provided a better image for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
post-prisoners. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them were
Did you mean "going to encounter"?
going to encountering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hardships or struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job for living in the future,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
American post-prisoner repeat their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time to find any job. In order to solve these problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
Possible spelling mistake found.
alloweded
them to atone their sin with
Possible agreement error. The noun type seems to be countable; consider using: "many types".
many type
of community works while they are taking their punishment.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nontheless
, this method was working for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less effective on the other common captives. By this I mean, they have the right to have a chance to redeem for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
also
have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their image for their future being.

In conclusion
, these
Possible spelling mistake found.
guity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
could be more useful with their duties instate of remaining idle behind those bars. It can be
Consider using the past participle "accepted"?
accept
that they should spend their jail period on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
with a condition of low escaping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. As for the society benefits, this approach could be better in
Possible spelling mistake found.
longterm
as they could have a chance to turn over a new leaf with a better life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do up and community work Instead of being put behind bars. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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