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Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. v. 3
The rate at which large grocery stores are increasing in some part of the world is incomparable with local stores. I completely agree that this will make difficult for local vendors to exist. This essay will discuss how advancement in super-marts are affecting native merchant. Firstly, in supermarkets we get more choices compared to local shops. We can compare and buy different products available which proves to be beneficial to buyers as they will get to choose from a variety of options. For example, a general store will have a diverse range of shampoos available and people can pick according to their needs and not based on availability. Secondly, this kind of general-store provides special services like a free home delivery. This will help customer to not to worry about lifting heavy shopping bags. While in the case of local shops, consumer has very limited choice and the quality of items will not be up to the mark, as the shop-keeper will not be able to import things from a distant vendor. Also, customers will not be attracted to local shops due to absence of attractive offers or services as a small businessperson cannot afford to do so. For instance, small merchants will not be able to provide discounts during holiday seasons as during that time only they will get the chance to make a profit. In conclusion, the rise in grocery chain-stores are increasing and they are attracting a good amount of customers, which is making impossible for local businesses to bid for. Therefore, it is seen that native shopkeepers will be facing challenges in their survival.
The rate at which large grocery stores are increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the world is incomparable with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
stores. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendors to exist. This essay will discuss how advancement in super-marts are affecting native merchant.

Firstly
, in supermarkets we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more choices compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops. We can compare and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products available which proves to be beneficial to buyers as they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to choose from a variety of options.
For example
, a general store will have a diverse range of shampoos available and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can pick according to their needs and not based on availability.
Secondly
, this kind of general-store provides special services like a free home delivery. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
customer
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
worry about lifting heavy shopping bags.

While in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops, consumer has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited choice and the quality of items will not be up to the mark, as the shop-keeper will not be able to import things from a distant vendor.
Also
, customers will not
be attracted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops due to absence of attractive offers or services as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businessperson cannot afford to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
merchants will not be able to provide discounts during holiday seasons as during that time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit.

In conclusion
, the rise in grocery chain-stores are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increasing and
they are attracting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of customers, which is making impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses to bid for.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that native shopkeepers will be facing challenges in their survival.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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