Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
It’s true that the retail market penetration is better with supermarkets and they do not even allow the local shops to compete with them. I believe, in the near future, we will miss the traditional touch of local communities in our everyday commodities. To begin with, Customer acquisition plays a vital role in the development of a growing business. Goods and services reach is more efficient for supermarkets compared to local shops through discounts and offers. Cashbacks, digital order placements and free home delivery are very impactful business strategies which are able to attract all segments of the society, however local shops fail to do so. They ensure the entire experience of the buyer is seamless while enjoying offers. Many supermarkets, such as Nilgiris, Godrej Naturals, M. K. Ahmed, the freshco has invested in advanced technologies and have expanded across the country. Furthermore, local shops are left behind in this growth path of market penetration because of their lack of versatility. The local shops have limited quantity and variety of products. Lack of business strategy and expansion mindset, upselling and cross selling is not viable for local shops. Hence, in another decade, the local shops will be completely disappear and we will not have access to traditionally made goods. And with no business in hand, local communities will migrate in search of other businesses or jobs. Thus, I believe, with limited variety and lack of business strategy and growth plan, it will be really tough for local shops to continue growing their business and sustaining the local communities.
It’s true that the retail market penetration is better with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
supermarkets and
they do not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to compete with them. I believe, in the near future, we will miss the traditional touch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities in our everyday commodities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Customer acquisition plays a vital role in the development of a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Goods
and services reach is more efficient for supermarkets compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
through discounts and offers.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cashbacks
, digital order placements and free home delivery are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
impactful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategies which are able to attract all segments of the society,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
fail to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. They ensure the entire experience of the buyer is seamless while enjoying offers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
supermarkets, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nilgiris
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Godrej
Naturals, M. K. Ahmed, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
freshco
has invested in advanced technologies and have expanded across the country.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind in this growth path of market penetration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lack of versatility. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have limited quantity and variety of products. Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategy and expansion mindset, upselling and cross selling is not viable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Hence
, in another decade, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will be completely
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disappear and
we will not have access to
traditionally
made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. And with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities will migrate in search of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
or jobs.

Thus
, I believe, with limited variety and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategy and growth plan, it will be
really
tough for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to continue growing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and sustaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts