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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. v. 5
Nowadays, supermarkets are growing their sales very rapidly and the local businesses are getting impacted. Many people believe that this trend will lead to the closure of the local shops and businesses and hence harm local communities. However, I completely disagree with this view and think that local communities will be benefited with the advent of the supermarkets. Many believe that native businesses are not able to compete with the supermarkets and are posing great losses. Firstly, supermarkets offer discounts on most of the items they sell because they buy from the suppliers in bulk and get better rates for the products. However, as regional vendors can't buy in bulk and have to pay more for the same products and hence can't give away discounts like supermarkets. Secondly, supermarkets sell multiple products under one roof and so buyers do not need to go to multiple places to get their necessities. Supermarkets these days offer some of the recreational activities such as cinema, play zones for kids etc. , under their roofs as well. On the other hand, I believe that local communities can benefit from the supermarkets as they will decrease the monopoly of the native vendors and will encourage them to choose from the newer processes of operating businesses instead of traditional ones. Also, native shopkeepers or businessmen do not need to worry about their very existence in the market. For example, China's local businesses very well flourish even after Walmart has opened multiple stores there. Customers would not visit supermarkets daily because there is a limited number of supermarkets in the cities and they will need to spend money to reach there. For the daily needs or some emergency needs etc. , buyers visit local shopkeepers not supermarkets. To sum up, it is very much correct that regional markets are not able to compete with the supermarkets with their existing ways of doing business. They should improve their processes and stay competitive with supermarkets. Its the local community that will benefit from this because they will get a wider range of products at cheaper prices.
Nowadays, supermarkets are growing their sales
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rapidly
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are getting impacted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this trend will lead to the closure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
hence
harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
However
, I completely disagree with this view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
will
be benefited
with the advent of the supermarkets.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are not able to compete with the supermarkets and are posing great losses.
Firstly
, supermarkets offer discounts on most of the items they sell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from the suppliers in bulk and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better rates for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, as regional vendors can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
in bulk and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
hence
can't give away discounts like supermarkets.
Secondly
, supermarkets sell multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
under one roof and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
buyers do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to go to multiple places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their necessities. Supermarkets these days offer
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
recreational activities such as cinema, play zones for kids etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
under their roofs
as well
.

On the other hand
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
can benefit from the supermarkets as they will decrease the monopoly of the native vendors and will encourage them to choose from the newer processes of operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
instead
of traditional ones.
Also
, native shopkeepers or businessmen do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to worry about their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
existence in the market.
For example
, China's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well flourish even after Walmart has opened multiple stores there. Customers would not visit supermarkets daily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a limited number of supermarkets in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cities and
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to spend money to reach there. For the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emergency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
buyers visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shopkeepers not supermarkets.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much correct that regional markets are not able to compete with the supermarkets with their existing ways of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their processes and stay competitive with supermarkets.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
that will benefit from this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a wider range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at cheaper prices.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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