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Due to the massive expansion of supermarkets recently, many small local businesses are unable to compete. It causes the closure of the local ones. Some people think that the situation will bring about the death of local community. Do you agree or disagree with it? Give reasons and examples to support your essay. v.1

Due to the massive expansion of supermarkets recently, many small local businesses are unable to compete. It causes the closure of the local ones. Some people think that the situation will bring about the death of local community. with it? Give reasons and examples to support your essay. v. 1
Recently we can't deny that supermarkets are preferable for people to fulfil people's daily needs. As we see the expansion of the supermarkets in some countries, many local outlets are losing business. Some people believe that this situation becomes one of the highest factors in closing the local community or we can say a small shop. I agree with the argument that the supermarkets are dangerous for local businesses and local communities. According to Hamil Atmal (2011) in his research paper in India concluded before the commencement of supermarkets in the vicinity of small shops, the majority (35%) of the small shops were having a sales volume of Rs. 2, 00, 001 to 2, 50, 000, but after the commencement of supermarkets the majority of the small retailers are having the sales volume of Rs. 1, 50, 001 to Rs. 2, 00, 000. It seems supermarkets are able to make a better offer and provide a wide range of products to customers because they have stronger bargaining power and different source of supplies. Another reason people tend to shop in supermarkets is that there are always some rewards associated with the purchases, such as fuel voucher. That is, small businesses can never have that privilege for their customers. For a variety of reasons, several families that do not want to buy products from local shops on account of the inadequacy of variety, and some people think supermarket product rates are cheaper as compare to a local shop. While a small number of people get attracted to the different schemes of supermarkets. In conclusion, In conclusion, the supermarket is the best place for easy buying in your comfort with a different variety of products, meanwhile, the government should encourage local businesses too. I contend that the growth of supermarkets across the geographical area of countries seems to bring some negative impacts upon local businesses such as causing local shops to shut down and hindering economic development.
Recently we can't deny that supermarkets are preferable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to fulfil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily needs. As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the expansion of the supermarkets in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
outlets are losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this situation becomes one of the highest factors in closing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
community or
we can say a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that the supermarkets are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.

According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hamil
Possible spelling mistake found.
Atmal
(2011) in his research paper in India concluded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the commencement of supermarkets in the vicinity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, the majority (35%) of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
were having a sales volume of Rs. 2, 00, 001 to 2, 50, 000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after the commencement of supermarkets the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
retailers are having the sales volume of Rs. 1, 50, 001 to Rs. 2, 00, 000.

It seems supermarkets are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better offer and provide a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have stronger bargaining power and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
source of supplies. Another reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
in supermarkets is that there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rewards associated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
, such as fuel voucher.
That is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can never have that privilege for their customers. For a variety of reasons, several families that do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
on account of the inadequacy of variety, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
supermarket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
rates are cheaper
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compare to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
schemes of supermarkets.

In conclusion
,
In conclusion
, the supermarket is the best place for easy buying in your comfort with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, meanwhile, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
too. I contend that the growth of supermarkets across the geographical area of countries seems to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
such as causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to shut down and hindering economic development.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the massive expansion of supermarkets recently, many small local businesses are unable to compete. It causes the closure of the local ones. Some people think that the situation will bring about the death of local community. with it? Give reasons and examples to support your essay. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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