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overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that government and individuals can tackle these problems. v.17

overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that government and individuals can tackle these problems. v. 17
There are numerous problems caused by overpopulation in urban areas. Despite efforts and national initiatives to abate this growing dilemma, people are still suffering from many burning issues. In this essay, I will expound on the main reason for these problems before offering effective steps that can be taken to overcome these challenges. There are some blatant and obvious causes of this problem. To my mind, one of most glaring concern is the employment opportunity for each and every citizen. In general, if population is increasing day by day, then not every citizen be able to obtain a job. This is because there are less opportunities are available than skilled workers. As a result, these people won't be able to manage their ongoing expenses such as accommodation, bills, etc. , without any income. This was the case of one of my friend, Ben. He used to live in the downtown area of the City of Toronto. Even though he had a master's degree in Mechanical Engineering, he was not able to get any position because of increased competition in job market. As to the viable solution, I feel that most potent one would be to implement new job opportunities and initiatives in the local area. More specifically, the government need to monitor the situation about people's employment in the particular area and they should create new job opportunities so that those people can earn some income to take care of their daily needs. The government should also create employment agencies around different communities. This will allow those skilled society members to obtain a work opportunity much quicker in a competitive market. I am not alone in this view, and some empirical evidence can be provided to support it. For instance, in 2007, China, which has the highest population in the world, created more than 20 million job to maintain the economy of the country by reducing the un-employment ratio. To sum up, many people are not able to acquire work opportunity due to overpopulation. However, the government should introduce new jobs and create employment agencies to overcome this colossal issue.
There are numerous problems caused by overpopulation in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Despite efforts and national initiatives to abate this growing dilemma,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
burning issues. In this essay, I will expound on the main reason for these problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
offering effective steps that can
be taken
to overcome these challenges.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
blatant and obvious causes of this problem. To my mind, one of most glaring concern is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
for each and every citizen.
In general
, if population is increasing day by day, then not every citizen be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
are available than skilled workers.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won't be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to manage their ongoing expenses such as accommodation, bills, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
without any income. This was the case of one of my friend, Ben. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the downtown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
of the City of Toronto.
Even though
he had a master's degree in Mechanical Engineering, he was not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increased competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.

As to the viable solution, I feel that most potent one would be to implement new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and initiatives in the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. More
specifically
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to monitor the situation about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in the particular
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
area and
they should create new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
income to take care of their daily needs. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
agencies around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
communities. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
those skilled society members to obtain a work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
much quicker in a competitive market. I am not alone in this view, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
empirical evidence can
be provided
to support it.
For instance
, in 2007, China, which has the highest population in the world, created more than 20 million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'job' seems to be countable, so consider using: "jobs".
job
to maintain the economy of the country by reducing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-employment
ratio.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to acquire work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
due to overpopulation.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
agencies to overcome this colossal issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that government and individuals can tackle these problems. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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