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Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.4

Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. with this opinion? v. 4
Nowadays, health treatment involves enormous nations health budget and it should be invested over health education as well as for precautionary measures. In my opinion, I fully agree with the fact and feel prevention is always better than cure. In this essay, I will postulate both these points with relevant examples. First of all, Health education is badly needed to improve the quality of life. People from rural areas are unaware of the fact as a corollary to that they face health-related issues. For instance, according to the recent survey, near about 60% of the people left untreated from mild to severe communicable and non- communicable diseases due to lack of awareness. However, they must get the education with proper knowledge of sanitization On the other hand, Government vaccination programs are also motivating. If somebody follows the same, then they can safeguard his or her life from the deadly threat in the future. Moreover, it costs an arm and a leg over health treatment. If people will get cautious then half of the problem will get resolved altogether. Nevertheless, there are some cases where emergency treatment is also mandatory. The empirical research suggests that the cost of treatment behind a single patient can lead to educate and create awareness programs in a village for to 2 months. To recapitulate, preventive measures are recommended instead of neglecting the early stage diagnosis. In essence, the investment must be done to educate a destitute society which will lead to bring down the large cost of treatment.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
involves enormous
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget and it should
be invested
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education
as well
as for precautionary measures. In my opinion, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the fact and feel prevention is always better than cure. In this essay, I will postulate both these points with relevant examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
education is
badly
needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from rural areas are unaware of the fact as a corollary to that they face health-related issues.
For instance
, according to the recent survey, near about 60% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
untreated from mild to severe communicable and non- communicable diseases due to lack of awareness.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the education with proper knowledge of sanitization

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
vaccination programs are
also
motivating. If somebody follows the same, then they can safeguard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
life from the deadly threat in the future.
Moreover
, it costs an arm and a leg over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cautious then half of the problem will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
resolved altogether.
Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases where emergency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
is
also
mandatory. The empirical research suggests that the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
behind a single patient can lead to educate and create awareness programs in a village for to 2 months.

To recapitulate, preventive measures
are recommended
instead
of neglecting the early stage diagnosis. In essence, the investment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
to educate a destitute society which will lead to bring down the large cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. with this opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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