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Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v.6

Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 6
It goes without saying that the tension has been rising day in day out with children from social, cultural perspective in today's generation. I completely agree with the given statement. There are so many reasons which affecting it having said that taking suitable steps are also indispensable. In this essay, I will espouse to this view and discuss the causes of the pressure and measures to be taken to the same decline. Firstly, the crucial challenge for the children is competition. They are being compared to the co- students by their parents in terms of knowledge and study. For instance, a child who gets poor marks is always compared with a bright student and also neglected by the parents which let them feel rejected. Secondly, Fear of dejection also haunts them to several extents. A child with multi talents cannot able to showcase their talents as because they are weak in study. Addition to this, the common belief of the children is that to become successful in any field, fetching high numbers in exam is mandatory. When it comes to the steps need to be taken, the role of a parent is extremely necessary. They must understand the mentality and the need of their children. It's not always to show numbers and being compared with others. Every child is unique. Parents must understand the actual problem behind poor marks and try to ameliorate them with a positive feedback. Furthermore, spending time is also effective. According to the recent survey, it has been found that 76% of the children who are very close to their parents are leading a stress-free life altogether. To recapitulate, standing by them will definitely boost their perspective. However, they should not teach to win at every cost and last but not the least, they must be galvanized to bring out their hidden talent.
It goes without saying that the tension has been rising day in day out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from social, cultural perspective in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons which affecting it having said that taking suitable steps are
also
indispensable. In this essay, I will espouse to this view and discuss the causes of the pressure and measures to
be taken
to the same decline.

Firstly
, the crucial challenge for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is competition. They are
being compared
to the co- students by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in terms of knowledge and study.
For instance
, a child who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
poor marks is always compared with a bright student and
also
neglected by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them feel rejected.
Secondly
, Fear of dejection
also
haunts them to several extents. A child with multi talents
Did you mean "cannot be able"?
cannot able
to showcase their talents as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are weak in study. Addition to this, the common belief of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that to become successful in any field, fetching high numbers in exam is mandatory.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the steps need to
be taken
, the role of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is
extremely
necessary. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand the mentality and the need of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It's not always to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
numbers and
being compared
with others. Every child is unique.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand the actual problem behind poor marks and try to ameliorate them with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedback.
Furthermore
, spending time is
also
effective. According to the recent survey, it has
been found
that 76% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are leading a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free life altogether.

To recapitulate, standing by them will definitely boost their perspective.
However
, they should not teach
Did you mean "winning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'teach' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to win
at every cost and last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be galvanized
to bring out their hidden talent.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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