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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree and disagree? v.4

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 4
The practice of dangerous sport continues to gain recognition in the world today. Some people believe that such sports should be banned, while others are of the view that humans should be allowed to make their choice. This essay will discuss why unhealthy athletic activities should be stopped. The practice of dangerous sports should be discouraged. This is because individuals that partake in them could get hurt and require government to cater for their hospital bills; hence, increasing government spending on health care. For example, due to the nature of a physical exercise called wrestling, athletes who engaged in it in my country often get sick after some years and require medical attention. The costs of caring for them are charged to the government, thereby increasing the use of the country's resources that could have been used for providing other amenities including education and defence. Also, in cases where these individuals are unable to get well, they become a burden to their family members. For these reasons, harmful sport should be stopped. However, some people think individuals should be allowed to engage in whatever sports they choose. In their opinion, restricting types of athletic activities infringes on the freedom of citizens and can lead to people living an unhappy life; this is because they feel athletics is a way of expression and humans should be free to express their feelings. For example, when my cousin was younger, he loved Kung Fu because it gives the opportunity to learn methods of defending oneself while exercising the body but his parents never approved of it. This is because they believed he could get hurt practicing it. For these reasons, harmful sport should not be disallowed. In conclusion, dangerous athletic activities are becoming more attractive to people and it is important to note that these from physical exercise pose negative impacts; however, restricting individuals from practicing them could mean an infringement on their freedom. In summary, harmful sports should be banned.
The practice of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
continues to gain recognition in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
, while others are of the view that humans should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their choice. This essay will discuss why unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
activities should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
.

The practice of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be discouraged
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
that partake in them could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt and require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to cater for their hospital bills;
hence
, increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending on health care.
For example
, due to the nature of a physical exercise called wrestling, athletes who engaged in it in my country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years and require medical attention. The costs of caring for them
are charged
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, thereby increasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the country's resources that could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for providing other amenities including education and
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
.
Also
, in cases where these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well, they become a burden to their family members. For these reasons, harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to engage in whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they choose. In their opinion, restricting types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
activities infringes on the freedom of citizens and can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living an unhappy life; this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel athletics is a way of expression and humans should be free to express their feelings.
For example
, when my cousin was younger, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kung
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fu
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives the opportunity to learn methods of defending oneself while exercising the body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his parents never approved of it. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believed he could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt practicing it. For these reasons, harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should not
be disallowed
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
activities are becoming more attractive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that these from physical exercise pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts;
however
, restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
from practicing them could mean an infringement on their freedom.

In summary, harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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