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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 9
It is argued by some that the closing of small scale businesses will cause the demise of local communities because of the rapid growth of supermarkets and the inability of small shops to compete. In my opinion, I agree that the termination of local shops will bring about an end to the local areas. Firstly, many local people cannot afford the prices of goods from these large stores. Secondly, most of these supermarkets are situated far away from rural areas. A good reason why the closure of small scale businesses will bring an end to local communities is that many people cannot afford items from large storehouses. This is because of the increase in the prices of goods sold by some large store owners, who want to get back the money paid for rent in the form of high cost of items. Consequently, many people cannot buy some of the goods they need because of the increased cost of these items. For example, more than half of large retail outlets in Lagos State sell goods that are a bit more expensive than small shops in the community. Another point to consider is that many supermarkets are situated far away from rural areas. In other words, many large stores are built in big cities, a long distance from the towns and villages. This means that people living in local areas cannot travel long distances to buy a small quantity of household goods. As a result, these people believe that the small shops can easily meet their needs, and so they decide to buy from small stores in the neighbourhood. For instance, more than half of people living in the suburbs of Ghana buy goods from the small markets around the area. In conclusion, the closure of small businesses will signal the end of local communities because of the high cost of goods from such supermarkets and the far distances created by the building of such large shops. If local businesses are given the right resources to thrive, there will be no need to close such businesses.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the closing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will cause the demise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rapid growth of supermarkets and the inability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to compete. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the termination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will bring about an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
areas.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford the prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
Secondly
, most of these supermarkets
are situated
far away from rural areas.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
reason why the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will bring an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford items from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
storehouses. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increase in the prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
sold by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
owners, who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back the money paid for rent in the form of high cost of items.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increased cost of these items.
For example
, more than half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
retail outlets in Lagos State sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
that are a bit more expensive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the community.

Another point to consider is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
supermarkets
are situated
far away from rural areas.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are built
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, a long distance from the towns and villages. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
areas cannot travel long distances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
quantity of household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
For instance
, more than half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the suburbs of Ghana
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
markets around the area.

In conclusion
, the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will signal the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
from such supermarkets and the far distances created by the building of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the right resources to thrive, there will be no need to close such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
9.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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