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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 2
The way people buy their groceries have changed dramatically. Due to the fast pace growth of multinational grocery stores, many small time merchants have gone out of business. Some believe that this has a detrimental effect on the local community. I completely disagree with this argument, as I believe stronger presence of large organisations will aid to boost the local economy and will provide great benefits. Multinational grocery stores have revolutionized the consumer's shopping experience. In other words, the way we used to shop was by going to a local retail grocery store and ask the owner of the shop or give them a list of items that are required. They, then would select the items which are available in the store and provide the items regardless of the consumer brand specific choice is. Sometimes these items are sold at the maximum retail price. Whereas, in large grocery stores the consumers have a greater power and a choice when purchasing an item. For example, when I shop, I would always be on the lookout for discounted products and also, compare between many products before my purchase. Therefore, from a consumer standpoint multinational companies provide a better shopping experience than the traditional methods. Despite many benefits, some believe with the strong presence of large grocery stores in our local community would eventually make the small-time shop owners go out of business and will have detrimental effects to the local economy. While I would agree that many small businesses will be shut rapidly I would disagree with the latter. Multinational grocery stores are usually large in size and require the manpower to continue with the day-to-day tasks. This obviously creates jobs for the local youths within the community. Not only this, these organizations also consider purchasing products from local farmers to keep-up with their corporate social responsibility (CSR) projects which will also boost the local farmers.
The way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their groceries have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
. Due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace growth of multinational grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
small time
merchants have gone out of business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that this has a detrimental effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community. I completely disagree with this argument, as I believe stronger presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
will aid to boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy and will provide great benefits.

Multinational grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
have revolutionized the consumer's shopping experience.
In other words
, the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
was by going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
retail grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
and ask the owner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
or give them a list of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
that
are required
. They, then would select the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
which are available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
and provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
regardless of the consumer brand specific choice is.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
are sold
at the maximum retail price. Whereas, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
the consumers have a greater power and a choice when purchasing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
.
For example
, when I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
, I would always be on the lookout for discounted products and
also
, compare between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
Therefore
, from a consumer standpoint multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide a better shopping experience than the traditional methods.

Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe with the strong presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community would
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
owners go out of business and will have detrimental effects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses will
be shut
rapidly
I would disagree with the latter. Multinational grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are
usually
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
large in size
and require the manpower to continue with the day-to-day tasks. This
obviously
creates jobs for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
youths within the community. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, these
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
also
consider purchasing products from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farmers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
-up with their corporate social responsibility (CSR) projects which will
also
boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farmers.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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