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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
Impossible competition is a opinions about local business from some people which is due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries. This can lead to the death of local communities, while I strongly disagree with this view for many reasons. Increasing revenue is a benefit for many small and local business. Firstly, if supermarket spread around the world, inhabitants of local area could have a better chance to sell their goods to a greater number of customers since the supermarket also need supply some products and sell to people. Certainly, the local goods is more convenient than others because of shipping costs. For example, when the Big C Mart, which is one of the biggest supermarket in Vietnam, were established in Vietnam, they open supermarket around my country. It means everyone can buy products anywhere they like even the outskirt of megapolis city. Meanwhile, they sells loads of goods base on demand from their customers, as well as these also have local products. In order to compete, local business also need to best quality and pride which is also some advantages. Indeed, while supermarket is developing, local company can be easier to see clearly their opponent. As a result, they would invest more money to Research and Development Department. This can lead to a best products which could be interesting in market and attract customers. Besides, the establishment of supermarkets can help to feel pride. It can be seen in this case where local items presents in shelves of supermarket, thereby enabling rapid expansion around the globe. By doing it, brand might become popular, as well as local citizens can feel proud to use and speak to foreign people that their country also have a famous product. In conclusion, despite supermarkets is developing and rapidly expanding, it does not affect badly to local business. It can help them in many ways, including revenue, best quality and pride.
Impossible competition is
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a opinion" or simply "opinions"?
a opinions
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which is due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. This can lead to the death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities, while I
strongly
disagree with this view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

Increasing revenue is a benefit for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Firstly
, if supermarket spread around the world, inhabitants of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
area could have a better chance to sell their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to a greater number of customers since the supermarket
also
need supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products and sell to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Certainly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is more convenient than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of shipping costs.
For example
, when the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
C Mart, which is one of the biggest supermarket in Vietnam,
were established
in Vietnam, they open supermarket around my country. It means everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products anywhere they like even the outskirt of
Possible spelling mistake found.
megapolis
city. Meanwhile, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "sell"
sells
loads of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
base on demand from their customers,
as well
as these
also
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
products.

In order to compete,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
also
need
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the best".
to best
quality and pride which is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages.
Indeed
, while supermarket is developing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can be easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
clearly
their opponent.
As a result
, they would invest more money to Research and Development Department. This can lead to
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best products which could be
Did you mean "interested"?
interesting
in market and attract customers.
Besides
, the establishment of supermarkets can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to feel pride. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in this case
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
items presents in shelves of supermarket, thereby enabling rapid expansion around the globe. By doing it, brand might become popular,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens can feel proud to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and speak to foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that their country
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
product.

In conclusion
, despite supermarkets is developing and
rapidly
expanding, it does not affect
badly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, including revenue
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
quality and pride.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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