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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.6

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 6
Since the advent of 20th century, we have seen a number of prominent supermarket brands dominating the retail market. With the expansion of such brands to tier-1 and tier-2 cities many people believe that, it can lead to the closure of many local business' and, ultimately lead to the end of local communities. I agree with this argument, and in this essay I will put forth my views with supporting examples. There are a lot of people who believe that, large supermarkets can increase competition in a region, and this will mean consumers will have a better choice of products at reasonable rates. This is because big supermarket brands buy products in bulk from the suppliers and play the volume game, unlike the local mom and pop stores. Due to this reason they are able to keep the price low and pass on the benefits to the customer. For example, it has been estimated that, Walmart buys close to 200 tonnes of diary products each year, such large volume purchase helps them keep the prices at least 20% lower than their local competition. However, it is a well know fact that, with the entry of large volume retail players like Walmart many of the small business in local communities are not able to compete and going bankrupt. This is because, some of these mom and pop stores cannot bring down the margins on products like their competition, since it will affect their business. For example, based on the research conducted by a leading consulting firm it's been found that once Walmart starts operation in a town, 50% of the local business close down in the region within one year. Such closures have an adverse effect on local communities in terms of loss of livelihood and jobs To sum up, I believe, local players in smaller markets will not be able to sustain the business due to competition from larger players, and this ultimately lead to destruction of local communities.
Since the advent of 20th century, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a number of prominent supermarket brands dominating the retail market. With the expansion of such brands to tier-1 and tier-2 cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, it can lead to the closure of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business' and,
ultimately
lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument, and in this essay I will put forth my views with supporting examples.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that, large supermarkets can increase competition in a region, and this will mean consumers will have a better choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at reasonable rates. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
supermarket brands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in bulk from the suppliers and play the volume game, unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
'mom and pop' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "mom-and-pop".
mom and pop
stores. Due to this reason they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the price low and pass on the benefits to the customer.
For example
, it has
been estimated
that, Walmart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
close to 200 tonnes of diary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
each year, such large volume
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the prices at least 20% lower than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
competition.

However
, it is a
Did you mean "well-known"?
well know
fact that, with the entry of large volume retail players like Walmart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
are not able to compete and going bankrupt. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
'mom and pop' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "mom-and-pop".
mom and pop
stores cannot bring down the margins on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like their competition, since it will affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
For example
, based on the research conducted by a leading consulting firm it's
been found
that once Walmart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
operation in a town, 50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
close down in the region within one year. Such closures have an adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
in terms of loss of livelihood and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
jobs


To sum up, I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
players in smaller markets will not be able to sustain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
due to competition from larger players, and this
ultimately
lead to destruction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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