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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.30

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 30
When it comes to sharing personal information such as hobbies, marital status, interests, etc. , with an employer, people are divided on two opposite camps. While one group of people believes this information could be useful, others advocate that there is no value in such sort of data. In this essay pros and cons will be analyzed before my own prospective is given. One the one hand, there are benefits of collecting information about potential employees, including their hobbies, lifestyle, marital status, etc. This is because such kind of information could help employers to select candidates more carefully and suggest the best offer to them. For example, a position that requires travel frequently to various cities, most likely, will not suit a person who leads a sedentary lifestyle. In additional, in some realms such as an IT, it is important to support a high team spirit, so, in this case, selecting people with the same hobbies and interests could be beneficial. On the other hand, there are some demerits in gathering personal information from job candidates. This information could distract employers from the professional skills of the candidate. Moreover, it can lead to discrimination. For example, an interviewer can choose a person only because they share the same hobbies, but not for their professional skills and abilities. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the merits of collecting personal information from candidates overweigh the drawbacks. This data can help employers provide applicants with the best job positions that not only suited their professional skills, but also, their hobbies.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to sharing personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, marital status, interests, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are divided
on two opposite camps. While one group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could be useful, others advocate that there is no value in such sort of data. In this essay pros and cons will
be analyzed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
prospective is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, there are benefits of collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about potential employees, including their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, lifestyle, marital status, etc. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
more
carefully
and suggest the best offer to them.
For example
, a position that requires travel
frequently
to various cities, most likely, will not suit a person who leads a sedentary lifestyle. In additional, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
realms such as an IT, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to support a high team spirit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
in this case
, selecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and interests could be beneficial.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits in gathering personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
from the professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
.
Moreover
, it can lead to discrimination.
For example
, an interviewer can choose a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they share the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that the merits of collecting personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the drawbacks. This data can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
provide applicants with the best job positions that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
suited their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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