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Due to the development and rapaid expansion of supermarket in some countries. Many small, local business are unable compete some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v.1

Due to the development and rapaid expansion of supermarket in some countries. Many small, local business are unable compete some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
There is an increasing trend of students travelling to different countries for educational purpose. Parents believe that their children must get the highest quality of education which can be only achieved in well developed countries. This essay discusses the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. The first and foremost reason that why parents prefer sending their children to foreign countries is diversified learning. It is generally believed in our countries that in developed countries, educational institutes provide high quality of education as well as they polish the analytical skills of students. Moreover, they groom the students with the latest technologies used in this field. For instance, in Canada and Australia Virtual and Augmented reality aid is taken to help students understand engineering topics better. Secondly, living with the locals helps children understand the cultural values of different nations. It creates a stronger bond with the natives. Moreover, it gives positive vibes to the host nation about the people of the country students belong to. As a result, the cultural differences are also given respect. Overall, this is an added advantage of living abroad. Although there are many advantages of pursuing education abroad, the cost is very high. It can be an additional burden on parents with an average income. Furthermore, students who cannot afford these international trips may feel bad. In conclusion, educational trips groom students in best possible ways. They play a vital role in promoting culture as discussed earlier. Meanwhile, high expense is the only disadvantage in this case.
There is an increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
travelling to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for educational purpose. Parents believe that their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the highest quality of education which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieved in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay discusses the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.

The
first
and foremost reason that why parents prefer sending their children to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is diversified
learning. It is
generally
believed in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, educational institutes provide high quality of education
as well
as they polish the analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
, they groom the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the latest technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in this field.
For instance
, in Canada and Australia Virtual and Augmented reality aid
is taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand engineering topics better.

Secondly
, living with the locals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children understand the cultural values of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations. It creates a stronger bond with the natives.
Moreover
, it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
vibes to the host nation about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
belong to.
As a result
, the cultural differences are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
respect.
Overall
, this is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
advantage of living abroad.

Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of pursuing education abroad, the cost is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. It can be an additional burden on parents with an average income.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who cannot afford these international trips may feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

In conclusion
, educational trips groom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the best".
in best
possible ways. They play a vital role in promoting culture as discussed earlier. Meanwhile, high expense is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disadvantage
in this case
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapaid expansion of supermarket in some countries. Many small, local business are unable compete some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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