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Due to the development and rapaid expansion of supermarket in some countries. Many small, local business are unable compete some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v.2

Due to the development and rapaid expansion of supermarket in some countries. Many small, local business are unable compete some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 2
In local business is one of the main income as local communities where they utilize of contraction subsidies from government, and it is impossible to compete with the other. It is influence the society if the local business will be closing. In some countries that the communities establish their business have gotten enough income to their daily life therefore it is becoming their primary livelihood. The negative effects will be happen if always growing down more over dosed by official who have authorities of it. For instance, in one of province in Indonesia has gone up construction is used by communities to start their business, but base on the requirement of government they must pay the tax. At the present the super traditional market which is one of container experience decrease extremely because many modern business such us cafes, mall together with others that are more popular and have bigger number of visitors than in market as result with this matter the figure of unemployment is booming in contrast level of welfare in public will influenced by less of occupation then encourage criminalization. In conclusion, to close the local business is not the best may for society. In other side, it depend on government policy where we can see in from the solution that is given. First of all if government want close the local business with restructure construction to be better than before it will appreciated by people secondly, the tax which is must paid then based on their finding in order to the communities can sale along with calm. In addition, it is present to people who do not have works as if it can becoming their livelihood purposes. To sum up, I believe that this happen will be finished by government authorities where they can handle it at all, therefore the competition in the both of level business will be balance.
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is one of the main income as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
where they utilize of contraction subsidies from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, and it is impossible to compete with the other. It is influence the society if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will be closing.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
establish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
have gotten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
income to their daily life
therefore
it is becoming their primary livelihood. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects will be
Consider using the past participle "happened"?
happen
if always growing down more over dosed by official who have authorities of it.
For instance
, in one of province in Indonesia has gone up construction is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
base on the requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay the tax. At the present the super traditional market which is one of container experience decrease
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
such us
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, mall together with others that are more popular and have bigger number of visitors than in market as result with this matter the figure of unemployment is booming
in contrast
level of welfare in public will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "influence"
influenced
by less of occupation then encourage criminalization.
In conclusion
, to close the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is not the best may for society.

In other side, it
Did you mean "depends"?
depend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policy where we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in from the solution
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
want close the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with restructure construction to be better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "appreciate"
appreciated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
secondly
, the tax which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Did you mean "have paid" or "pay"?
paid
then based on their finding in order to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
can sale along with calm.
In addition
, it is present to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have works as if it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "become"
becoming
their livelihood purposes.

To sum up, I believe that
The verb 'happen' is plural. Did you mean: "this happens"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this happen
will
be finished
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities where they can handle it at all,
therefore
the competition in the both of level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will be balance.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapaid expansion of supermarket in some countries. Many small, local business are unable compete some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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