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Due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
In today’s era, every individual wants to live an easy life. Everyone wish things to happen in a very short span of time. And the same expectation is there when it comes to buying the daily essential stuff. Each one is busy in the chaos of their life. Hence, they demanded all the things to be in a single place. Therefore, rapid expansion of supermarkets came into the picture in some countries. Some say that it is necessary while others believe that the small and local business are unable to compete. In the result the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To some extent, I personally agree with their claim, but I also agree that the opening of the supermarkets would be beneficial to the people surrounding. First and foremost, fast development of the shopping marts broadens the horizon for the small businesses. In other words, everything is available in big shops. Every person can reach quickly and easily to get the products with the help of global market. It is the single place to get all the required items with different varieties and different brand. Moreover, local shops don’t provide good offers and discounts as compared to the larger markets. This makes small business suffer as more people will get attracted to the supermarkets for getting the better and reasonable products. On the other hand, still some of the people rely on the local communities to buy some of the products. For example, in India, still it is a tradition to buy the gold from the old local goldsmith, whom they trust and as a result they ensure a good quality gold. However, a person would not visit to the big shops for one or the two items in case of an emergency such shops are easy to approach. In conclusion, although supermarkets provide a better option, still local shops, acts as a one stop solution when it comes to quality or in case of any urgency.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era, every individual wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an easy life. Everyone
The pronoun 'Everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wishes", "wished".
wish
things to happen in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short span of time. And the same expectation is there when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to buying the daily essential stuff. Each one is busy in the chaos of their life.
Hence
, they demanded all the things to be in a single place.
Therefore
, rapid expansion of supermarkets came into the picture in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say that it is necessary while others believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
are unable to compete. In the result the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will bring about the death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with their claim,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the opening of the supermarkets would be beneficial to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
surrounding.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
development of the shopping marts broadens the horizon for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
In other words
, everything is available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. Every person can reach
quickly
and
easily
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the products with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of global market. It is the single place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the required items with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brand.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
don’t provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
offers and discounts as compared to the larger markets. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
suffer as more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to the supermarkets for getting the better and reasonable products.

On the other hand
,
still
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
products.
For example
, in India,
still
it is a tradition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the gold from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
goldsmith, whom they trust and
as a result
they ensure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality gold.
However
, a person would not visit to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
for one or the two items in case of an emergency such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are easy to approach.

In conclusion
, although supermarkets provide a better option,
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, acts as a one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
solution when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to quality or in case of any urgency.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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