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SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SCIENTISTS MAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY. OTHERS THINK THAT THE CONTRIBUTIONS FOF ARTISTS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. v.1

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SCIENTISTS MAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY. OTHERS THINK THAT THE CONTRIBUTIONS FOF ARTISTS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. v. 1
It is predicted that the birth rate of the majority of advanced countries will drop in the next 50 years. It is forecasted that by the end of 2030, more than 30% of the population in those countries will be aged 65 and above. The following essay will discuss what will happen if the prediction is true, and some of the solutions that can be done immediately to address the issue. Many experts are predicting that in the next 50 years about one-third of the people in developed countries will be the elderly generation. For a number of reasons, the ageing population and scarcity of the working class population will become a serious problem for those countries. Firstly, they will face a lack of productive people problem which is important for economic development. With the shortage of productive labourers and professionals, it will be difficult for them to boost the economic sector, as factories will face difficulties in recruiting productive workers. Secondly, as the number of the senior people will be increasing in the future, it means that the government will be spending more. The government will need additional funds for their pension plan, retirement house and medication facilities. Consequently, the government might increase the tax rate, which will become a burden for the young generation. There are some soluble solutions that governments could consider to prevent the negative consequences of this issue. One of them is that by providing additional facilities for their residents to have children at an earlier age. It is a fact that most of the people in advanced countries have children in their late thirties or early forties. By having children in their mid-twenties, it will shorten the time gap between the senior and the young people. Another solution is by giving subsidies and tax exemptions for families that have young children. It is hoped that it will trigger families to have more children in their young age. Lastly, these countries could also accept young and productive immigrants from other countries who are qualified and well educated. Many advanced countries have done this, such as Australia, New Zealand and Canada and the immigrants have had a positive impact on the economic growth of these countries. In conclusion, many people are predicting that most developed countries will face ageing problem in the future. It is obvious that the ageing problem might become a serious treat for them, especially in their economic sectors and in the social formation. However, there are some solutions that governments could consider, and some of them are by persuading their people to having more children in the young age and accepting qualified immigrants from other countries.
It
is predicted
that the birth rate of the majority of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will drop in the
next
50 years. It
is forecasted
that by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2030, more than 30% of the population in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
be aged
65 and above. The following essay will discuss what will happen if the prediction is true, and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
that can
be done
immediately to address the issue.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
experts are predicting that in the
next
50 years about one-third of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will be the elderly generation. For a number of reasons, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population and scarcity of the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
population will become a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, they will face a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development. With the shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
and professionals, it will be difficult for them to boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
sector, as factories will face difficulties in recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
workers.
Secondly
, as the number of the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be increasing in the future, it means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will be spending more. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will need additional funds for their pension plan, retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and medication facilities.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
might increase the tax rate, which will become a burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soluble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could consider to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this issue. One of them is that by providing additional facilities for their residents to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at an earlier age. It is a fact that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their late thirties or early forties. By having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their mid-twenties, it will shorten the time gap between the senior and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is by giving subsidies and tax exemptions for families that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
is hoped
that it will trigger families to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.
Lastly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could
also
accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
immigrants from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who
are qualified
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have done this, such as Australia, New Zealand and Canada and the immigrants have had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth of these countries.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are predicting that most developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will face
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in the future. It is obvious that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
might become a serious treat for them,
especially
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
sectors and in the social formation.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could consider, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are by persuading their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Did you mean "have"?
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age and accepting qualified immigrants from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SCIENTISTS MAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY. OTHERS THINK THAT THE CONTRIBUTIONS FOF ARTISTS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
444 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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