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Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view v.1

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view v. 1
These days it is difficult to teach discipline to the younger generation. Some parents believe that beating can control the behaviour of their children. This essay will argue that smacking children for whatever is unacceptable. Nowadays, some parents believe that physical punishment is the only way to educate good manners to their children. They rely on the traditional approach like disciplining the child is only by punishing them. For example, some of them smashes on children's hands, but sometimes it goes out of limit. Recent studies show that 21% of parents in India choose physical punishment because of the repetitive nature of children's bad or unacceptable attitude. However, smacking children may not be the right form of discipline, but for some parents, it does help to control the actions of their children. Children's mind is sensitive to this kind of abuse, may affect them mentally. Smacking children will lead them to bad or miss behaving character, and it indicates them that this will be the life. Such rude behaviour from parents forces the children to become addicted to alcohol, smoking, or even drugs. For instance, in the last few years, the rate of violence all over the country has risen, and records say that 25% of the crime committed by youngsters or teenagers. Thus, punishment is not the best way of discipline and will reverse the expected result. In conclusion, this essay argued that smacking children is not the way to teach good behaviour, and the parents who prefer this method may direct to consequences. In my opinion, punishing children is definitely not the correct method of teaching manners.
These days it is difficult to teach discipline to the younger generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that beating can control the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will argue that smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for whatever is unacceptable.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that physical punishment is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They rely on the traditional approach like disciplining the child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by punishing them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them smashes on children's hands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it goes out of limit. Recent studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that 21% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in India choose physical punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the repetitive nature of children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or unacceptable attitude.
However
, smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not be the right form of discipline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to control the actions of their children.

Children's mind is sensitive to this kind of abuse, may affect them mentally. Smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will lead them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or miss behaving character, and it indicates them that this will be the life. Such rude
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
forces the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become addicted to alcohol, smoking, or even drugs.
For instance
, in the last few years, the rate of violence all over the country has risen, and records say that 25% of the crime committed by youngsters or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
Thus
, punishment is not the best way of discipline and will reverse the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
result.

In conclusion
, this essay argued that smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not the way to teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who prefer this method may direct to consequences. In my opinion, punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is definitely not the correct method of teaching manners.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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