Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities to what extend do you agree or disagree? v.2

due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities v. 2
People are succeeding when they try new things in their life. I confessed with this statement because there were so many examples in the world who think differently and became successful. On the other side people who are afraid to leave their comfort zone will never achieve their goal. There were so many incidents people who think creatively, took too many challenges and introduced new items to this world earned a lot of fame, money and respect in the society. For instance, Graham bell invented telephone, before finding this he struggled a lot, took many risks and even he faced insults from their friend and relatives, however finally achieved his desire. He earned a lot of fame throughout the world. In addition to this whoever wants to find new things, they have to try new methods or models and be ready for the risks. History shows all people got success with their creativity and hard work. Only a few people get the success, because they are willing take risks. Many people are not ready to take risks because of their responsibilities and situations. For example, if we consider middle class married men, entire family depends on him. They have the ability to try new ways, but their financial situations are not supported. In conclusion, it is always better to learn new things and be ready to take some risks in spite of personal responsibilities. At my point when you think differently, you will find new features and it will earn fame and money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are succeeding when they try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things in their life. I confessed with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples in the world who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
and became successful. On the other side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are afraid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their comfort zone will never achieve their goal.

There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incidents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creatively
, took too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges and introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
items to this world earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fame, money and respect in the society.
For instance
, Graham bell invented telephone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
finding this he struggled a lot, took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and even he faced insults from their friend and relatives,
however
finally
achieved his desire. He earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fame throughout the world.
In addition
to this whoever wants to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
methods or models and be ready for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
. History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
success with their creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are willing take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not ready to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their responsibilities and situations.
For example
, if we consider middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, entire family depends on him. They have the ability to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their financial situations are not supported.

In conclusion
, it is always better to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and be ready to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
personal responsibilities. At my point when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
, you will find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
features and it will earn fame and money.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts