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Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? use reason and specific examples to explain your answer. v.1

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. use reason and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 1
Trends of education have been changing tremendously as compared with the past. Some parents motivate their off-spring to engage with different enjoyable activity. They acknowledged that, those activities can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. I am a strong advocate of this approach. This essay will explain the reason and some specific example about my opinion. Needless to say that, some of the parents who have no correct knowledge about how to develop a child's skills, follow some orthodox rules like reading, writing etc. in the early stage of childhood. These activities make the children more bored because they read those books reluctantly. However, this trend has been changing year after year. It is a denying fact that, children like to play different interactive games. In this way, we can develop or learn their vocabulary through context. A case in point is that, pre-schooling is the best way to get their children more enjoyable games with other children. On the same way, they teach their students how to play games which enhance memory power. The positive thing is that, they can learn different colours, they can use their skills to complete the task. These are the reason why parents follow these systems. On the contrary, If we force a child to read from their early childhood, that may be resulted a negative behaviour towards books. A research conducted by the child protection council said that, children who are engaged in different activities may strengthen their mind and body. The reason is that, they trained to take small risks. They also stated that, some children who are behaving like introvert, arrogant, lazy to play and work are the result of long time reading habits. To conclude, it is a fact that, we should include reading as a habit or a hobby in children's life. However, we should encourage our children to build up their own world with fruitful skills and creativity through entertaining and enjoyable games. As a result, a child will be an adolescent while doing some activity.
Trends of education have been changing
tremendously
as compared with the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents motivate their off-spring to engage with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. They acknowledged that, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can develop better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and more creativity than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. I am a strong advocate of this approach. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reason and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific example about my opinion.

Needless to say that,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
parents who have no correct knowledge about how to develop a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
orthodox
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
, writing etc. in the early stage of childhood. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more bored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they read those books
reluctantly
.
However
, this trend has been changing year after year. It is a denying fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In this way, we can develop or learn their vocabulary through context. A case in point is that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-schooling
is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. On the same way, they teach their students how to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which enhance memory power. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing is that, they can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to complete the task. These are the reason why parents follow these systems.

On the contrary
, If we force a child to read from their early childhood, that may
be resulted
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards books.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
conducted by the child protection council said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are engaged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may strengthen their mind and body. The reason is that, they trained to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. They
also
stated that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are behaving like introvert, arrogant, lazy to play and work are the result of long time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
habits.

To conclude
, it is a fact that, we should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
as a habit or a hobby in children's life.
However
, we should encourage our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to build up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
world with fruitful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and creativity through entertaining and enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
As a result
, a child will be an adolescent while doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. use reason and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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