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Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. IELTS Essay Sample Answer (1) v.11

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. IELTS Essay Sample Answer (1) v. 11
Recently, it has been observed that playing with the kids in the form of fun activities has tremendously helped the children in their personal development rather than studying books. Although, reading is also important for their academic life, but, activities like playing chess, crosswords and creative arts develop their brain much faster. I largely agree with this statement. First of all, child mind is like a clay which can be moulded in any form. At this age, children want to play more and often find studies boring, so it is very important to play with them physics related, mathematics related and puzzle games, as these will increase their reasoning and Analytical skills and they never feel bored. To add further, fun activities also develop leadership and planning skills in them. For instance, after office hours, I used to play crosswords with my daughter, as a result, she develops a plethora of English vocabulary words and using them in her day to day communication. Furthermore, creative arts also play an essential role in the development of the child, as it helps them in increasing their intellectual skills and widen their horizons. Children learn how to make things out of waste products and use them for different purposes. Through the creative arts, their hidden talent comes out. For instance, once I gave an empty water bottle to my children and told her to do something creative, I was completely surprised, when she converted that into a flower pot. Although, enjoyable activity and creative arts develop skills in young, but at the same time reading is equally important, as reading is eye exercise, it develops their skimming and scanning speed and also develops mind eye coordination, which is essential for excelling in their academic journey. To conclude, both reading and enjoyable activities are important for the overall growth of the child, but indulging them in creative arts and fun games helps them to develop their skills faster.
Recently, it has
been observed
that playing with the kids in the form of fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their personal development
rather
than studying books. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for their academic life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like playing chess, crosswords and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
their brain much faster. I
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, child mind is like a clay which can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
in any form. At this age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
more and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find studies boring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with them physics related, mathematics related and puzzle games, as these will increase their reasoning and Analytical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skills and
they never feel bored. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
, fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
leadership and planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in them.
For instance
, after office hours, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
crosswords with my daughter,
as a result
, she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
a plethora of English vocabulary words and using them in her
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
communication.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an essential role in the development of the child, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in increasing their intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and widen their horizons.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things out of waste products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes. Through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, their hidden talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out.

For instance
, once I gave an empty water bottle to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
her to do something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
, I was completely surprised, when she converted that into a flower pot.

Although, enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is eye exercise, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
their skimming and scanning speed and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
mind eye coordination, which is essential for excelling in their academic journey.

To conclude
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the
overall
growth of the child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
indulging them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and fun games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
faster.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. IELTS Essay Sample Answer (1) v. 11

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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