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Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 1
While some people tend to think that playing sport is simply an activity people do for leisure, others would argue that it has a significant role to play within society. I believe that sport does have an essential function in society, but can also be enjoyed as a leisure activity by people. On the one hand, nobody can deny that sport is a high leisure activity. Millions of people all around the world participate in sporting activities every day simply because of the sense of well-being and relaxation that it brings them. People play sport for numerous reasons, including, wanting to get fit or stay in shape, as a way to relax and take their mind off the stresses of daily life, and as a way to socialise and spend time with friends. These reasons would indicate that people get involved in sporting activities as a form of leisure. However, even though most people play sport for personal benefits, it does also serve several usual functions within society. Firstly, sport creates healthier societies. People who play sport are known to be happier and healthier, and less prone to certain mental and physical sicknesses, which reduces the burdens on healthcare systems. Secondly, sport brings people together and creates a sense of unity within societies. This can be witnessed when strangers join together to cheer on and support their countries football team. Finally, sport teaches people many essential life skills and lessons, which help people to function more effectively within their society, making it a better place to live. In conclusion, even though people may only participate in sport for leisure, it does also bring some significant benefits to societies as well.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
simply
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
, others would argue that it has a significant role to
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play
within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
does have an essential function in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
be enjoyed
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, nobody can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world participate in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
every day
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the sense of well-being and relaxation that it brings them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for numerous reasons, including, wanting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit or stay in shape, as a way to relax and take their mind off the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
of daily life, and as a way to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and spend time with friends. These reasons would indicate that
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as a form of leisure.

However
,
even though
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for personal benefits, it does
also
serve several usual functions within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
creates healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are known
to be happier and healthier, and less prone to certain mental and physical sicknesses, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the burdens on healthcare systems.
Secondly
,
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sport
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together and creates a sense of unity within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. This can
be witnessed
when strangers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
together to cheer on and support their countries football team.
Finally
,
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sport
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
essential life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and lessons, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to function more
effectively
within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, making it a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
, it does
also
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
as well
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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